Paul's Passing Thoughts

I am a nurse aide who is also an author. So, I am going to be writing about being a nurse aide. When I become a nurse, I will be writing about that also. The fact that I am a male nurse aide is also germane.

This comes under the subject of, “Why would a guy want to be a nurse aide?” This is a good question because there is a great degree of substantial risk in being a male nurse aide, especially in our day with gender tensions being at a historic high. You may be thinking of the present-day #Me Too movement among others, and yes, that plays in.

Life can deal us some odd hands. I am fairly sure I missed my true calling. Of course, life molds us and changes us, so in one sense the time of this calling might be right despite the fact I love it more than anything I have ever done in my life. Looking back, I wouldn’t have embraced it the way I do now. My life experience changed me and brought me to this point where I am ready to be a nurse aide and eventually a nurse.

Like all things you love, you push the negatives into the background, and being a NA has some nasty negatives, in fact, career ending negatives. In order to maintain an endeavor in life that you love, you just hope for the best. Personal relationships are little different; if you focus on a person’s negatives, love will soon be replaced with loathing.

As in my case, love of career creates a prism of utopia. In the beginning, not so much, as my gender, age, principles, and worldview caused friction in the NA culture. But my love for this career caused me to fight and overcome all of that. To some degree, my inexperience and subsequent lack of realistic self-confidence made me vulnerable to those challenges, but the past two years have been like heaven on earth, but heaven is not on earth, and presently, God’s kingdom is not here either.

The fact that God’s kingdom is not presently on earth creates the need for Nurse Aides. Christ came to end sin. The coming kingdom of God to earth will end sickness, and the new heavens and new earth will end death. That’s what the Bible says.

So, we will call him “John,” not his real name, and he is 100-something. Since the number after 100 could reveal his identity and medical information, the exact age will not be stated here. This is also why I never name the agency I work for, nor any of the faculties I serve at. But suffice to say, when you are that age, regardless of your condition which may be very good for that age, any day may be your last. I will be speaking about John in the past tense.

This brings us to one of the big positives of being a male NA. When you get to care for a man like John, it often becomes a guy-thing comradery. You talk about things like  football. Together, you can make fun of the world and everybody in it, you know, guy stuff. When I was in my first facility gig and fighting for my life, I worked day shift for the most part. One such male resident that I was close with used to make it a point to stay awake so he could listen to aides and nurses talking about me in the hallway during night shift. The next morning, he couldn’t wait to give me the report. If you think that is hilarious, and instructive about gossip, you would be correct.

Then there is the aforementioned John. When I first met him, it looked like another great friendship, and it was, just not like the others. We introduced each other and staked out our territory regarding family and careers. I was excited to have John on my watch. About an hour later I stopped back to check on him, and he didn’t know me. And so it was with John. We  still had our comradery, but it was restricted to the reality he lived in. He met many new friends that day, but really only one because he didn’t remember the other introductions. And the territory staked out in our relationship were the same ones over and over again. Once again, I told him where I live, about my family, how I became a NA. Once again, he told me the same, as many times as I checked on him during my course of duties. And in the heart, there is a voice that disqualifies you as a NA if you do not disassociate yourself with it; the voice that says, “Oh boy, here we go again.”

John is the best example for why NA is one of God’s favorite job descriptions; these are God’s people, these are the ones that He demands to be upheld and uplifted, and cared for. These are the ones entrusted to you by their loving families who must also keep their immediate households afloat. This job is a sacred trust matching some, but surpassed by none. As a construction worker, the buildings I built will not stand forever, but the love I perform as an aide will. The Bible states that as well. Every time I served John, all the aspects of his life that brought dignity were attended to, for any day could have been the last opportunity to do so.

It’s so easy to wrap yourself up in that reality, and then the reality of this kingdom running in the background can raise its ugly head and bring utter darkness that oppresses love mercilessly. Being more fortunate than most male aides, for the fist time, I was falsely accused of a serious crime by a resident last week. At first I was unfazed because I was never in the room that day without another aide or a nurse, in fact, at times, one aide and two nurses. But then it hit me: “Whoa! If someone will falsely accuse me with witnesses present, what will they do without witnesses?”

Furthermore, did the resident think the aide in the room would back her because she was young and impressionable, and a fellow female? Probably. And scarier yet, in many cases, that could very well happen. Luckily, it didn’t, but more on that later. The accusation, actually, there were two accusations, focused on when there was only one other witness in the room. In the first case, while I was in the room with one nurse, the nurse put an end to the accusation on the spot, so the resident resorted to the other time when only the young female aide was present. The skill in which the resident lodged the accusation is pretty terrifying. The goal was to manipulate the aide into thinking she might have missed something while being right there, and agreeing to it in order to save face. It is my understanding that the aide rejected the notion forcibly and in no uncertain terms.

The aide is just out of high school, and I have commented on that generation before on this blog; they are VERY impressive and not going for the millennial nonsense of their predecessors. This particular aide is very sharp and lacking the usual naivete of people her age. Scarier yet, this young lady was interviewed at length by older nurses and a social worker, but she stood her ground. This particular facility DNRs (Do Not Return) agency aides on a whim, but I have since been assigned there after the fact.

Nevertheless, for three or four days after, I strongly considered walking away from being an aide. Why? There is another big problem with this kingdom; justice and truth are not at the top of its priority list, and skilled nursing facilities, like most institutions of this kingdom, are infamous for throwing people under the bus. Mostly aides, who are the go-to scapegoats, and to some degree nurses. Truth and justice don’t pay the bills.

Though this has all blown over and several good shifts have brought about some healing for me, is this a shot over the bow as a way to tell me to get out? Perhaps. Soon, I will be meeting with my attorney for counsel on this issue and a protocol for dealing with these situations. So, have I resigned myself to the idea that this comes with the territory of being an aide? Pretty much, but the jury is still out; after hearing what my attorney has to say, I may very well get out and go back to home healthcare until I finish nursing school.

The sad reality of this kingdom follows: “Innocent until proven guilty” is a nice sentiment, but accusations in and of themselves embody a lot of destructive power. Also, sadly, in this kingdom, innocent people are sent to prison on a routine basis. Hence, in this kingdom, there is a fine line between being accused and convicted. “Presumption of innocence” should not be taken seriously.

I believe this is a major purpose of the Millennial Kingdom of God: It will, for a thousand years, right everything that was done wrong in this dark kingdom. Justice will prevail and be loved. As stated in the Bible, one who is a 100 years old will be as an infant. I won’t be John’s aide for he will not need me for that anymore, but we will harken back to the old days and our many introductions, perhaps with the kind of humor that guys share together.

But this kingdom creates a need to be ministered to, and then uses its children to attack the ministers. The spirit of this kingdom only hates one thing more than wholeness, those who strive to restore it to any degree.

Now the Lord’s Prayer makes total sense to us. We pray that our Lord’s kingdom will come soon and its justice will prevail on earth. We pray that this kingdom’s cruel diseases will be defeated. When Christ came to proclaim the good news of the kingdom, He healed people for this very reason; to testify to the coming kingdom of God. Christ’s ministry spoke of the present ending of sin, the ending of disease in His imminent kingdom, and the future ending of death.

But because that time is not yet, we also pray, according to the Lord’s Prayer, that He will deliver us from evil in this present kingdom. Yes, be sure of it, that is now part of my nurse aide protocol. That part of the prayer speaks directly to the sort of thing I went through last week. That, and asking the Lord to forgive us when we fall short of love, and thereby fail to pay our debt of love owed to everybody.

And until that day, we glorify God with our present assignments, and the Bible says that we will be entrusted with even greater things in the kingdom as our reward. There will probably be accountants, and we know that food will be a really big deal in the kingdom, but no nurse aides will be needed. And as much as I love my job, nevertheless…

…my Lord, come quickly, and bring your glorious will.

paul

So, I keep my Facebook Friend List limited because as it is, stuff posted on FB in general can cause you to jump off a bridge. I think it was Sunday, a friend of a friend posted some cutesy video about how husbands, apparently, in general, are bad about helping around the house. The friend commented something like, “Men, if you think you can come home from work and put your feet up you are a lousy husband and father.” Really?

God created people to be free, and freewill is a pillar of reality’s state of being. Law should be used to not trespass against others and thereby properly love them. Love is always a freewill offering and not a tax. We live in a world dominated by Under Law mentality which isn’t love. If you value or evaluate your spouse based on how well they obey your societal standards to keep the peace you are well on your way to having a marriage predicated on bondage. And by the way, you are a tyrant. And like all tyrants, you are miserable, like the lady in the video. And of course, the primary weapon of wives for enforcing law in the home is nagging.

I also commented on the post. Bondage is a choice. We are born free and don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. Only God can make you do something you don’t want to do; and He doesn’t want to. God loves a “cheerful giver.” Uncheerful giving is always Under Law.

Here is the thing about pleasing people in the Under Law realm; you will never be able to dig deep enough or fast enough. Remember, in Under Law, the standard is always perfection, and anytime you fall short of someone’s law, you are judged accordingly. People who function under law are also content with people meeting their expectations because they are compelled to. This is usually due to superiority complexes that thrive in the Under Law realm. Like in all slave/master relationships, what the person who is lesser than me wants to do is irrelevant. If a husband wants to simply come home and put his feet up, well, that’s against the law.

So, a spouse assesses the love and respect of the other spouse towards them based on how well the other spouse obeys the law which can be made up of ideas from a host of different sources like mommy, daddy, Dr. Phil, Beth Moore, Oprah Winfrey, etc., etc., etc. The particular law being broken in this case is, “thou shall not rest after coming home from work.”

But before I move on, let’s draw attention once again to superiority complexes created by functioning godhood/goddesshood in the Under Law realm. Yes, the whole “men are pathetic” mentality that saturates this society. Here is where I pause to give advice to young men and women looking around in the world for their lifemate. Men, look intently for any vestige of a cynical attitude towards men, especially veiled in some sort of cute humor, and if you detect it, run hard and fast and don’t look back and you will be safe from a life of misery under law. Young ladies, if you detect any kind of patriarchal mentality in any form, run away! NEVER trade the companionship void with despotism; that’s a really bad idea. Learn to like yourself enough to wait for the right guy. Um, ladies, if some guy finally pays attention to you, and you are thinking, “This is my last chance to find someone, after all, who is going to want me?” you are in a VERY dark place and need to get your act together like yesterday. Someone, maybe yourself, has totally striped you of your self-esteem. If any of this self-loathing is merited, viz, things within your ability to change, get to work changing it; self-esteem is earned and based on truth and the right perspective. If you understand this and are in the process of improving yourself, you are a good catch.

But here is another thing about under law; it always lacks forethought and planning. In my comment on FB, my first point went something like this: “Um, excuse me, why are you complaining? Bondage is a choice.” Yes it is, especially in America. But here is where we miss the point entirely: even in Saudi Arabia, no husband can make a wife do anything. Sure, he can beat her, but she still doesn’t have to do anything…it’s her choice. And somehow, wives who beat their husbands with nagging think it some sort of sanctified version of the same scenario. Or, in this case, shaming them with a FB video. Yah, that has dignity, do that. But before we move on to the second point; another point about the unavoidable reality of people being created free and according to freewill with God being the only one who can thwart that but doesn’t because it would violate one of His primary creative principles.

When my daughter was a very young girl, she refused to do something she was commanded to do and I spanked her. Then I told her to obey the command, and she refused, so I spanked her again, and commanded her to do the task. And again, she refused. It became very apparent to me that she wasn’t going to do what I told her to do, and further spankings would have crossed the line into injury, and it was very apparent that she was willing to go there. For whatever reason, she just wasn’t going to obey the command, period. Basically, she won the standoff, and it was also very apparent that she was proud of it. Now, be advised, that isn’t a commentary on spanking children in general, but a more specific commentary on teaching our children the way of love versus law. And by the way, love comes natural for children, so it is a matter of wisdom in nourishing that instead of killing it with our own laws. And remember, I am not saying love has no law, but this is about how that law is properly applied to life.

Now to the second point. Under Law always has horrible planning. Let’s start with premarriage. So, based on the FB video, the hubby is a serious lawbreaker, but how many of these laws were discussed before they were married? Trust me; none, zero, el-zippo, nada, loco-notta-grande. Yes indeed, it is assumed that presuppositions about law will run the marriage. Marriage, ya know, just kinda happens because love is running the show. NOT. Unless love intervenes, law’s condemnation will always be running the show. Then, after that disastrous miscalculation, it is assumed law will smoothly calibrate the decision to have children and the raising of them. In fact, and this is the real hooter, people actually have children in an attempt to improve the marriage that law is presently destroying. LOL! Can you believe it? The marriage is already sketchy, so let’s add children! Yes indeed, more law-breakers (and children come forth from the womb breaking all kinds of laws) and increased frustration for the righteous judges already breaking each other’s laws. It becomes one big festival of condemnation.

Here is another level of law’s helter skelter planning: the time that any given law is in effect varies and is unspecified. Everyone knows when the husband gets home from work, so the appointed time for the law to be broken looms. Everyone knows when Sunday football starts, so, the appointed time for the law to be broken looms. And in many cases, when a spouse wants to prove a point, a new law is proposed, legislated, enacted, and enforced in less than 60 seconds.

All in all, mutual submission to needs in the way of love is a mindset to begin with, and needs planning…BEFORE a marriage and DURING a marriage. Secular marriages are better than church marriages because the works of God’s law written on the heart of every individual, and administered by the conscience, tends to live and let live much better than the law-lust that drives church.

My comment on FB shared these ideas and the results are indicative of those under law: bloodless execution. I dared to break her law, so she cut me out of her life. In her own home, I am sure it’s the “silent treatment” which states: “You committed a capital offence in the first degree; therefore, I have executed you, and in case you haven’t noticed, you therefore don’t exist.” Excommunication isn’t just a church thing. Those under law live in a world of judges with their own laws and penalties. More than likely, the penalty’s severity on FB will depend on those little mood emos selected at the time.

A post like this is going to create a lot of questions about life application regarding Under Law versus Under Grace or “Under Love” if you will. But this is the point: these are two different life mindsets; these are conflicting worldviews. And we have a lot to learn about the application because church has taught us the Under Law worldview for the past 1500 years. Due to sin’s control lust and the use of law to affect it, we will find much condemnation in the world, but the church definitely compounds it.

paul