Paul's Passing Thoughts

Marriage, Freedom, Intuitive Knowledge Taught by Children, and How I Lost a Facebook Friend

Posted in Uncategorized by Paul M. Dohse Sr. on July 26, 2018

ppt-jpeg4So, I keep my Facebook Friend List limited because as it is, stuff posted on FB in general can cause you to jump off a bridge. I think it was Sunday, a friend of a friend posted some cutesy video about how husbands, apparently, in general, are bad about helping around the house. The friend commented something like, “Men, if you think you can come home from work and put your feet up you are a lousy husband and father.” Really?

God created people to be free, and freewill is a pillar of reality’s state of being. Law should be used to not trespass against others and thereby properly love them. Love is always a freewill offering and not a tax. We live in a world dominated by Under Law mentality which isn’t love. If you value or evaluate your spouse based on how well they obey your societal standards to keep the peace you are well on your way to having a marriage predicated on bondage. And by the way, you are a tyrant. And like all tyrants, you are miserable, like the lady in the video. And of course, the primary weapon of wives for enforcing law in the home is nagging.

I also commented on the post. Bondage is a choice. We are born free and don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. Only God can make you do something you don’t want to do; and He doesn’t want to. God loves a “cheerful giver.” Uncheerful giving is always Under Law.

Here is the thing about pleasing people in the Under Law realm; you will never be able to dig deep enough or fast enough. Remember, in Under Law, the standard is always perfection, and anytime you fall short of someone’s law, you are judged accordingly. People who function under law are also content with people meeting their expectations because they are compelled to. This is usually due to superiority complexes that thrive in the Under Law realm. Like in all slave/master relationships, what the person who is lesser than me wants to do is irrelevant. If a husband wants to simply come home and put his feet up, well, that’s against the law.

So, a spouse assesses the love and respect of the other spouse towards them based on how well the other spouse obeys the law which can be made up of ideas from a host of different sources like mommy, daddy, Dr. Phil, Beth Moore, Oprah Winfrey, etc., etc., etc. The particular law being broken in this case is, “thou shall not rest after coming home from work.”

But before I move on, let’s draw attention once again to superiority complexes created by functioning godhood/goddesshood in the Under Law realm. Yes, the whole “men are pathetic” mentality that saturates this society. Here is where I pause to give advice to young men and women looking around in the world for their lifemate. Men, look intently for any vestige of a cynical attitude towards men, especially veiled in some sort of cute humor, and if you detect it, run hard and fast and don’t look back and you will be safe from a life of misery under law. Young ladies, if you detect any kind of patriarchal mentality in any form, run away! NEVER trade the companionship void with despotism; that’s a really bad idea. Learn to like yourself enough to wait for the right guy. Um, ladies, if some guy finally pays attention to you, and you are thinking, “This is my last chance to find someone, after all, who is going to want me?” you are in a VERY dark place and need to get your act together like yesterday. Someone, maybe yourself, has totally striped you of your self-esteem. If any of this self-loathing is merited, viz, things within your ability to change, get to work changing it; self-esteem is earned and based on truth and the right perspective. If you understand this and are in the process of improving yourself, you are a good catch.

But here is another thing about under law; it always lacks forethought and planning. In my comment on FB, my first point went something like this: “Um, excuse me, why are you complaining? Bondage is a choice.” Yes it is, especially in America. But here is where we miss the point entirely: even in Saudi Arabia, no husband can make a wife do anything. Sure, he can beat her, but she still doesn’t have to do anything…it’s her choice. And somehow, wives who beat their husbands with nagging think it some sort of sanctified version of the same scenario. Or, in this case, shaming them with a FB video. Yah, that has dignity, do that. But before we move on to the second point; another point about the unavoidable reality of people being created free and according to freewill with God being the only one who can thwart that but doesn’t because it would violate one of His primary creative principles.

When my daughter was a very young girl, she refused to do something she was commanded to do and I spanked her. Then I told her to obey the command, and she refused, so I spanked her again, and commanded her to do the task. And again, she refused. It became very apparent to me that she wasn’t going to do what I told her to do, and further spankings would have crossed the line into injury, and it was very apparent that she was willing to go there. For whatever reason, she just wasn’t going to obey the command, period. Basically, she won the standoff, and it was also very apparent that she was proud of it. Now, be advised, that isn’t a commentary on spanking children in general, but a more specific commentary on teaching our children the way of love versus law. And by the way, love comes natural for children, so it is a matter of wisdom in nourishing that instead of killing it with our own laws. And remember, I am not saying love has no law, but this is about how that law is properly applied to life.

Now to the second point. Under Law always has horrible planning. Let’s start with premarriage. So, based on the FB video, the hubby is a serious lawbreaker, but how many of these laws were discussed before they were married? Trust me; none, zero, el-zippo, nada, loco-notta-grande. Yes indeed, it is assumed that presuppositions about law will run the marriage. Marriage, ya know, just kinda happens because love is running the show. NOT. Unless love intervenes, law’s condemnation will always be running the show. Then, after that disastrous miscalculation, it is assumed law will smoothly calibrate the decision to have children and the raising of them. In fact, and this is the real hooter, people actually have children in an attempt to improve the marriage that law is presently destroying. LOL! Can you believe it? The marriage is already sketchy, so let’s add children! Yes indeed, more law-breakers (and children come forth from the womb breaking all kinds of laws) and increased frustration for the righteous judges already breaking each other’s laws. It becomes one big festival of condemnation.

Here is another level of law’s helter skelter planning: the time that any given law is in effect varies and is unspecified. Everyone knows when the husband gets home from work, so the appointed time for the law to be broken looms. Everyone knows when Sunday football starts, so, the appointed time for the law to be broken looms. And in many cases, when a spouse wants to prove a point, a new law is proposed, legislated, enacted, and enforced in less than 60 seconds.

All in all, mutual submission to needs in the way of love is a mindset to begin with, and needs planning…BEFORE a marriage and DURING a marriage. Secular marriages are better than church marriages because the works of God’s law written on the heart of every individual, and administered by the conscience, tends to live and let live much better than the law-lust that drives church.

My comment on FB shared these ideas and the results are indicative of those under law: bloodless execution. I dared to break her law, so she cut me out of her life. In her own home, I am sure it’s the “silent treatment” which states: “You committed a capital offence in the first degree; therefore, I have executed you, and in case you haven’t noticed, you therefore don’t exist.” Excommunication isn’t just a church thing. Those under law live in a world of judges with their own laws and penalties. More than likely, the penalty’s severity on FB will depend on those little mood emos selected at the time.

A post like this is going to create a lot of questions about life application regarding Under Law versus Under Grace or “Under Love” if you will. But this is the point: these are two different life mindsets; these are conflicting worldviews. And we have a lot to learn about the application because church has taught us the Under Law worldview for the past 1500 years. Due to sin’s control lust and the use of law to affect it, we will find much condemnation in the world, but the church definitely compounds it.





2 Responses

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  1. John said, on July 26, 2018 at 1:04 PM

    The need for people to control is huge. And there’s a reason I cannot stomach F/Book.


  2. Barbara said, on July 26, 2018 at 2:20 PM

    Paul thank you for this once again valuable lesson on walking in love, which is the main topic of the Word of God. Some assume they possess it automatically, maybe magically. What does this mean? Since most faith is disguised in mysticism, the confusion seems over-whelming and unanswerable. For one thing love is an action verb. It puts responsibility on us in the way we live our lives, the way we respond to life. The things I used to believe about love along with false doctrines concerning the sovereignty of God, gave me “permission” to call something loving when it was not love working at all. Perhaps a person I trusted as having great authority shared some of these things with me. People often use conscious-relieving phrases like “God works in mysterious ways and God uses evil to really love us for our good” and “because God is all-knowing and all-sovereign, everything that happens is His way of really loving me.” We are truly all like sheep. Only we are man and man wants to follow man and be followed by man. There’s no other way to explain man-centered church.
    I am grateful to you Paul and Susan for all your self-less time and effort. You have helped me come out from under SO MUCH CONFUSION to say the least and to leave behind behavior that represented a unloving, controlling, authoritative, dominant religious belief system. Learning to love is so much easier. Love is just that, it’s well, it’s loving. You automatically do possess love when you have the Holy Spririt living inside of you. Some other people will know this about you. Yes it is love that takes precident over law, over having to be right, over following the rules, over making sure other people fall in line by the boundaries you prescribe. Read the book of Galatians. Are you in love or are you in law?The Bible declares you cannot be in both. Take a break to study for yourself. Catch your breath with fresh air. Ask yourself hard questions. Ask God to help you understand the writing on the wall. Rest. Stop fighting and blame-shifting. Go forth in love. Be eager to love. When you have a change of heart and as you begin putting love into practice, then the Peace that passes all understanding will be yours.


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