Paul's Passing Thoughts

I am a nurse aide who is also an author. So, I am going to be writing about being a nurse aide. When I become a nurse, I will be writing about that also. The fact that I am a male nurse aide is also germane.

This comes under the subject of, “Why would a guy want to be a nurse aide?” This is a good question because there is a great degree of substantial risk in being a male nurse aide, especially in our day with gender tensions being at a historic high. You may be thinking of the present-day #Me Too movement among others, and yes, that plays in.

Life can deal us some odd hands. I am fairly sure I missed my true calling. Of course, life molds us and changes us, so in one sense the time of this calling might be right despite the fact I love it more than anything I have ever done in my life. Looking back, I wouldn’t have embraced it the way I do now. My life experience changed me and brought me to this point where I am ready to be a nurse aide and eventually a nurse.

Like all things you love, you push the negatives into the background, and being a NA has some nasty negatives, in fact, career ending negatives. In order to maintain an endeavor in life that you love, you just hope for the best. Personal relationships are little different; if you focus on a person’s negatives, love will soon be replaced with loathing.

As in my case, love of career creates a prism of utopia. In the beginning, not so much, as my gender, age, principles, and worldview caused friction in the NA culture. But my love for this career caused me to fight and overcome all of that. To some degree, my inexperience and subsequent lack of realistic self-confidence made me vulnerable to those challenges, but the past two years have been like heaven on earth, but heaven is not on earth, and presently, God’s kingdom is not here either.

The fact that God’s kingdom is not presently on earth creates the need for Nurse Aides. Christ came to end sin. The coming kingdom of God to earth will end sickness, and the new heavens and new earth will end death. That’s what the Bible says.

So, we will call him “John,” not his real name, and he is 100-something. Since the number after 100 could reveal his identity and medical information, the exact age will not be stated here. This is also why I never name the agency I work for, nor any of the faculties I serve at. But suffice to say, when you are that age, regardless of your condition which may be very good for that age, any day may be your last. I will be speaking about John in the past tense.

This brings us to one of the big positives of being a male NA. When you get to care for a man like John, it often becomes a guy-thing comradery. You talk about things like  football. Together, you can make fun of the world and everybody in it, you know, guy stuff. When I was in my first facility gig and fighting for my life, I worked day shift for the most part. One such male resident that I was close with used to make it a point to stay awake so he could listen to aides and nurses talking about me in the hallway during night shift. The next morning, he couldn’t wait to give me the report. If you think that is hilarious, and instructive about gossip, you would be correct.

Then there is the aforementioned John. When I first met him, it looked like another great friendship, and it was, just not like the others. We introduced each other and staked out our territory regarding family and careers. I was excited to have John on my watch. About an hour later I stopped back to check on him, and he didn’t know me. And so it was with John. We  still had our comradery, but it was restricted to the reality he lived in. He met many new friends that day, but really only one because he didn’t remember the other introductions. And the territory staked out in our relationship were the same ones over and over again. Once again, I told him where I live, about my family, how I became a NA. Once again, he told me the same, as many times as I checked on him during my course of duties. And in the heart, there is a voice that disqualifies you as a NA if you do not disassociate yourself with it; the voice that says, “Oh boy, here we go again.”

John is the best example for why NA is one of God’s favorite job descriptions; these are God’s people, these are the ones that He demands to be upheld and uplifted, and cared for. These are the ones entrusted to you by their loving families who must also keep their immediate households afloat. This job is a sacred trust matching some, but surpassed by none. As a construction worker, the buildings I built will not stand forever, but the love I perform as an aide will. The Bible states that as well. Every time I served John, all the aspects of his life that brought dignity were attended to, for any day could have been the last opportunity to do so.

It’s so easy to wrap yourself up in that reality, and then the reality of this kingdom running in the background can raise its ugly head and bring utter darkness that oppresses love mercilessly. Being more fortunate than most male aides, for the fist time, I was falsely accused of a serious crime by a resident last week. At first I was unfazed because I was never in the room that day without another aide or a nurse, in fact, at times, one aide and two nurses. But then it hit me: “Whoa! If someone will falsely accuse me with witnesses present, what will they do without witnesses?”

Furthermore, did the resident think the aide in the room would back her because she was young and impressionable, and a fellow female? Probably. And scarier yet, in many cases, that could very well happen. Luckily, it didn’t, but more on that later. The accusation, actually, there were two accusations, focused on when there was only one other witness in the room. In the first case, while I was in the room with one nurse, the nurse put an end to the accusation on the spot, so the resident resorted to the other time when only the young female aide was present. The skill in which the resident lodged the accusation is pretty terrifying. The goal was to manipulate the aide into thinking she might have missed something while being right there, and agreeing to it in order to save face. It is my understanding that the aide rejected the notion forcibly and in no uncertain terms.

The aide is just out of high school, and I have commented on that generation before on this blog; they are VERY impressive and not going for the millennial nonsense of their predecessors. This particular aide is very sharp and lacking the usual naivete of people her age. Scarier yet, this young lady was interviewed at length by older nurses and a social worker, but she stood her ground. This particular facility DNRs (Do Not Return) agency aides on a whim, but I have since been assigned there after the fact.

Nevertheless, for three or four days after, I strongly considered walking away from being an aide. Why? There is another big problem with this kingdom; justice and truth are not at the top of its priority list, and skilled nursing facilities, like most institutions of this kingdom, are infamous for throwing people under the bus. Mostly aides, who are the go-to scapegoats, and to some degree nurses. Truth and justice don’t pay the bills.

Though this has all blown over and several good shifts have brought about some healing for me, is this a shot over the bow as a way to tell me to get out? Perhaps. Soon, I will be meeting with my attorney for counsel on this issue and a protocol for dealing with these situations. So, have I resigned myself to the idea that this comes with the territory of being an aide? Pretty much, but the jury is still out; after hearing what my attorney has to say, I may very well get out and go back to home healthcare until I finish nursing school.

The sad reality of this kingdom follows: “Innocent until proven guilty” is a nice sentiment, but accusations in and of themselves embody a lot of destructive power. Also, sadly, in this kingdom, innocent people are sent to prison on a routine basis. Hence, in this kingdom, there is a fine line between being accused and convicted. “Presumption of innocence” should not be taken seriously.

I believe this is a major purpose of the Millennial Kingdom of God: It will, for a thousand years, right everything that was done wrong in this dark kingdom. Justice will prevail and be loved. As stated in the Bible, one who is a 100 years old will be as an infant. I won’t be John’s aide for he will not need me for that anymore, but we will harken back to the old days and our many introductions, perhaps with the kind of humor that guys share together.

But this kingdom creates a need to be ministered to, and then uses its children to attack the ministers. The spirit of this kingdom only hates one thing more than wholeness, those who strive to restore it to any degree.

Now the Lord’s Prayer makes total sense to us. We pray that our Lord’s kingdom will come soon and its justice will prevail on earth. We pray that this kingdom’s cruel diseases will be defeated. When Christ came to proclaim the good news of the kingdom, He healed people for this very reason; to testify to the coming kingdom of God. Christ’s ministry spoke of the present ending of sin, the ending of disease in His imminent kingdom, and the future ending of death.

But because that time is not yet, we also pray, according to the Lord’s Prayer, that He will deliver us from evil in this present kingdom. Yes, be sure of it, that is now part of my nurse aide protocol. That part of the prayer speaks directly to the sort of thing I went through last week. That, and asking the Lord to forgive us when we fall short of love, and thereby fail to pay our debt of love owed to everybody.

And until that day, we glorify God with our present assignments, and the Bible says that we will be entrusted with even greater things in the kingdom as our reward. There will probably be accountants, and we know that food will be a really big deal in the kingdom, but no nurse aides will be needed. And as much as I love my job, nevertheless…

…my Lord, come quickly, and bring your glorious will.

paul