Paul's Passing Thoughts

The Balance of Law and Patience in Relationships

Posted in Uncategorized by Paul M. Dohse Sr. on May 10, 2019

ppt-jpeg4Christians are the best at throwing around words they don’t understand. When churchgoers are engaged in spiritual-speak, I would estimate that they don’t understand 80% of the words used; they are just repeating pulpit soundbites. By the way, that is the consummate definition of someone who is brainwashed.

Perhaps the word thrown around most that Christians don’t understand is the word, “love.” Nor do Christians have an understanding of other prominently used words and terms like “law” and “new birth.” We often hear the term, “the law” this and “the law” that, but for the most part, Christians are clueless in regard to what the term means. Also, cluelessness regarding the term “new birth” is central to the church false gospel of progressive justification.

In reality, law and love are two different state of beings. If you are alive upon the earth, you are either under law or under grace. “Grace” is another word Christians throw around almost as much as “love” with no understanding of its meaning. “Grace” is love in action and can include a myriad of different actions. As Christians, we still receive God’s grace, but that’s not the grace of salvation which is a finished work. Primarily, what makes Churchianity a false religion is the idea that God’s grace of salvation is not a finished work. The word “grace” is therefore a really handy tool for snakes of the pastor breed to imply a progressive salvation without saying it outright.

Tension in most relationships involves the law mindset. Law has to do with condemnation. This brings us to another basic word Christians don’t understand, “sin.” Sin is also a state of being. In fact, biblically, law and sin are synonyms. In Romans we find “the law of sin” and “the law of sin and death” used synonymously. We also find that the law empowers sin through condemnation. Please note what the Bible states about sin:

Sin is an entity that seeks to control people through the condemnation of the law leading to death.

This is the specific dynamic. Though God’s law is good, sin is able to use the law to provoke people to sin leading to the bondage of guilt. Sin enslaves people through the law’s condemnation, and people also try to enslave each other through condemnation. In general, people are control freaks and use condemnation to gain control of others.

Regarding my career, I believe I have seen this dynamic in action. I once worked for a health network that heavily emphasizes teamwork and positive affirmation of others. Among all of the facilities I have ever worked for, that facility is the most hostile, backstabbing environment that I have ever worked in. A strong emphasis on teamwork and positive affirmation of others actually provokes the opposite action. That’s how law works among those who are under it.

And among those under law, all have their own personal laws and penalties for violating those laws. Also, condemnation is used to control others through guilt. So-called “judgmental” and hyper-critical people are simply trying to control others through condemnation. Obviously, people with no self-esteem are easy to control. People who lack confidence are easy to control. Hence, criticism, more than not, is implemented to destroy self-confidence and self-esteem; making people easy to control. This is what the religious doctrine of Total Depravity is all about; it is totally motivated by sin for the express purpose of controlling others.

Even those who understand the new birth will have to work hard at overcoming the under law mindset. Christ died to end the law which strips sin of its power via condemnation. The power of sin is the law’s condemnation; the Bible makes this absolutely clear. Even those under grace will have to work hard to overcome under law thinking. We must understand that when we become frustrated with people, especially those we live with, they are often violating our laws.

This is where patience comes in. The paramount act of love didn’t cover sin, it ended sin, which is the only way we could ever be free from the power of sin, but love in sanctification (the Christian life) does cover a multitude of sin (which is defined as a failure to love in sanctification).

let’s look at a dynamic example in family life. Your wife has a law that you have broken and the penalty for breaking that law is nagging. As a result, you obey her law to avoid the penalty. But what a minute, that’s not love. You are not doing something for her, or not doing something, out of love, but rather to prevent the consequences of nagging which the Bible describes as a tortuous hearing of a constant dripping of water.

In the same way in our family relationship God, any possible consequences of condemnation are removed and our only motivation is love. If the condemnation of the law still exists, our motives for obeying God could only be subjective at best. In the same way, true Christians must learn to live by the law of love and not the law of condemnation. Same law, different states of being and uses of that law.

This is where patience comes in. Patience rectifies law and love. Often, a spouse seems to absolutely refuse to repent of some annoying offense. This is because your law will only provoke the continued breaking of the law. While neither you or your wife is under law, you are functioning like you are under law. Sin is able to use the same dynamic even though it is no longer the salve master in the relationship.

Those enslaved to righteousness can function like they are still enslaved to sin if their understanding of law and sin are unbiblical. Indeed, we all have much, much more to learn about this dynamic and how to apply it where we live.


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  1. lydia00 said, on May 12, 2019 at 5:49 PM

    “A strong emphasis on teamwork and positive affirmation of others actually provokes the opposite action. That’s how law works among those who are under it”

    Amen. As someone who spent a few decades in .org development in hundreds of organizations, this is exactly what it produces. They become sin sniffers who compete to see who can sound the most compassionate or positive. They constantly point out negative of others- which is ironically, negative! They are exhausting. People who love reason don’t last long or try hard to stay under the radar. It stifles free expression of ideas, solutions, creativity and innovation. A great book was written back in the 90’s called “Corporate Cults” that warned about this.


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