Paul's Passing Thoughts

Why do people engage in risky careers? Answer: Love for what they do outweighs the fear. Indeed, the Bible states that “…perfect love casts out fear.” In truth, humanity has a penchant for attaining self-satisfaction in helping others, and the world offers a plethora of different careers that help people, with each possessing various levels of risk.

While helping a Hospice aide with a resident the other day, the resident asked her, “What does he do here?” The aide replied, “He is like me, he helps people.” The simplicity of her reply defines what a nurse aide is: someone who helps people. In fact, few careers help people in so many different ways.

We help with their activities of daily living, known as ADLs. According to federal law and state law, we are their advocates. In other words, anything we see or hear that might cause them harm requires immediate reporting to all superiors and confirmation that all proper authorities are contacted. We defend their dignity by the way we care for them. We defend the value of their lives and respect their contributions to this life. We assuage their guilt for being a burden to others with words like, “We ALL need help in different ways to one degree or another, and allowing me to help you helps me. It gives me self-satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, and a paycheck.

The paycheck isn’t much for the grave risk associated with being a male caregiver in today’s cultural environment. Yet, there is a great thing about being a caregiver in the healthcare culture: gender, sexual orientation, skin color, politics, etc., are not the main focus and for the most part irrelevant. The primary focus can be found in the words of the aforementioned Hospice aide: the healthcare community is a culture of people helping other people. That’s the focus. Your acceptance in the healthcare community is determined by your quality of care delivery which defines you as one of us; a helper to others.

This mentality results in healthcare professionals looking at those in need with a narrow focus: when a new resident is wheeled into our facility, our focus is their various needs, and frankly, we don’t give a damn whether they are male, female, black, white, Asian, gay, Democrat, Republican, or any other nomenclatures attached to humanity.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t cut both ways. If we want to hang on to the career that gives us purpose in life, we must be harmless like doves, but wise like serpents. Regarding male nurse aides, we are extremely susceptible to false allegations of sexual abuse by female residents, clients, and patients because it is common. Let me repeat that: it is common.

But why? Well, female residents/clients/patients tell us: they hate men. Bless your heart, I know, it’s too simple, so I will repeat the most basic reason given by the man-haters themselves: they hate men. Is this hatred so deep that they would be a party to ruining the life and career of a dedicated person-helper? YES. That’s just the way it is. Is this a hate that would return quality caring for one of the seven things God hates the most? YES.

There are also, unnecessary, if not silly reasons. A female resident may be uncomfortable with a male aide and afraid to voice her concern to the charge nurse; especially if  the charge nurse has a strong personality. Or, the charge nurse will not give her a choice in the matter due to a shortage of staff. Or, pressure her to accept male care for the same reason. In many situations like this, the female resident will often forego care altogether or lodge a false accusation against the male aide. Good male aides are always on the lookout for this situation, and remember, we are advocates for the resident. It is the law and ritual among aides that nurses have the final word on everything except the aide’s first duty as an advocate for the resident.

Women lodge false accusations against men to escape difficult situations. There are many other reasons, but everyday hate is the primary and sufficient catalyst in and of itself. Now, let’s suppose a man-hating woman also hates conservative Republicans…well, Katy bar the door, especially when such triple deviants are judges who don’t even fetch your TV remote that fell under your medical bed.

Let’s bring this thesis more into focus with a personal example from my own life. I have been very fortunate as a male nurse aide; in my long tenure, I have been accused once. Until then, I was pretty happy-go-lucky in a venue that I was very comfortable in. Luckily, or so I thought, in this particular instance, I was never in the resident’s room that day without a nurse, two nurses, or another aide in the room with me. So, when I was informed of the accusation by the charge nurse, I actually shrugged my shoulders and said, “Whatever.” I was in for a rude awakening that day.

The accusation centered on when a very young female nurse aide was in the room with me. Let me set the table with the short version; the resident chose that particular time for the following reasons: she sized up the young aide as being a fellow female that would back her story, plus young and impressionable as opposed to the two older female nurses. In conjunction with this narrative, the resident framed the accusation brilliantly.

Shortly after talking with the charge nurse, I met with two female ADONs and the facility’s female social worker. They informed me that based on my record, they doubted the accusation. They asked me how long I had been an aide, and when I told them, one of the ADON’s said, “Well, then you know.” Get it? For male nurse aides, this comes with the territory. It’s common. When I explained that it was the first time I had ever experienced anything like that, they were incredulous. I wonder how many nurses buy into the #Me Too movement.

Nevertheless, the two ADONs and the social worker interviewed the young nurse aide, that is, well under twenty years old, for over 30 minutes. This speaks to the evil genius of the accusation. But whatever the plot was, the young nurse aide was having none of it and stood her ground. I was not even sent home, but assigned to another hall. I am an agency aide, and this was a facility that is known for being “DNR happy” (Do Not Return) in regard to agency aides, so I considered the results an unfortunate accomplishment of sorts.

We need to revisit the young nurse aide for an important reason. At times, I have the honor of being shadowed at facilities by high school students who are in a nurse aide program. I see a trend among this age group of post-Millennials; they are attentive, caring, respectful, and endowed with good commonsense. This is an up-and-coming generation that is not buying into the present cultural insanity of Identity Politics and other forms of hate. The pendulum seems to be swinging the other way.

Can this cultural trend be attributed to my good fortune of being in that room with the aide that defended me and stated the facts to four women who are each twice her age? I don’t know, but this I do know: I owe her a large chunk of my life and career. Some time ago, my grandson who was named after me was stillborn. I had a sterling silver bracelet made in his memory. Whenever I take an exam that I am nervous about, I wear his bracelet to remind me of why I am striving to be an RN. It is about the upholding of life through love, and love casts out fear. The bracelet reminds me that it is about getting a job done and fear must be driven away accordingly.

Now it is important that I add something to the bracelet. I am having a link removed from the right of the engraved plate and having it replaced with a colored link of rose gold. This is to always remind me of that aide. For a whole week after the incident I just described, I took myself off of the agency schedule and considered resigning as an aide and pursuing another career. If a false accusation of sexual assault got some traction with a witness present, what could happen if it is my word against an accuser alone! And especially in an age where hate trumps due process and a presumption of innocence. Hate is not the least bit interested in fairness. After extensive contemplation, love won, not fear. And yes, I am now a much wiser aide. And yes, I have incorporated many new practical cautions into my service to others. And yes, when I am shadowed by young men who are aspiring aides, I will teach them those cautionary skills.

When we do what is right in life as a rule, we have no idea to what extent we have influenced the life of others. That aide has no idea that she saved my career, she has no idea that because of her, she now shares and is credited with all of the care I deliver to others. As far as she knows, it was just a small moment in her life when she did something right regardless of what anyone else thought. More than likely, she will never know about the gold link. When I pass my state test as an RN specializing in wound care, I will owe much of it to her.

So young, yet so stellar as compared to the politically correct female men-haters of our day. Have hope my friends, there is a new generation of young people who are not buying into this hate. In the same way they will never know the impact of their optimism and lives marked by truth, haters will never know the depth of destruction they have sown in the life of others.

Of course, the whole Bret Kavanaugh affair prompted me to write this post, a post I would have otherwise never written because I have shared things here that were previously too painful to share, and still are. A false accusation is the climatic device of hell itself. Good people hate things like evil, but hate in the hands of the soulless is slander as their weapon of choice. The means justify the end.

Would Christine Blasey Ford knowingly level false accusations of sexual assault against Kavanaugh in order to take him out at any cost? Sure she would, and there is much reason to believe that she did. Why? Because she hates him for various and sundry reasons. Hate also leads to all kinds of illogical and irrational behavior…

…and women do it all of the time and for many different reasons.

paul