Paul's Passing Thoughts

Tips for Struggling Missionaries on How to Get Money from the Church

Posted in Uncategorized by Paul M. Dohse Sr. on April 16, 2017

Are you a church missionary struggling financially? Is financial support waning? In order to get funded, it is important to understand changing trends within the institutional church. However, you have come to the right place for cash because regardless of any geo-economic situation anywhere in the world or during any time in history institutions that sell salvation will always be well funded. Regardless of income, people will invest time and money to escape eternal damnation. The question for missionaries is how to get the church to invest in your ministry.

First, the church is returning to its historical roots and therefore the rules are all but totally changed. Let’s observe the raw basics.

Churches want to see a validation of credentials. They want to see a seminary degree, usually a Master’s degree at the very least (expertism), and they want to see a submission to, and validation of church authority. The authority issue has become absolutely HUGE of late. You must project the idea that you are “under authority.” In some capacity as much as possible, project these two fundamentals.

Project success. If you cannot project success, gee whiz, “God must not be working in your midst.” At this point, you are dead in the water. However, this can be substituted with a ministry vision or goal; churchians will invest in a vision.

Project success via infrastructure. In other words, building projects. Why? Infrastructure speaks to authority. Though splendid church buildings project the intimidation of God’s authority, buildings in general will do. If you have been involved in successful church building projects that lack grandeur, merely verbalize the success and leave out the pictures and thereby leaving the splendidness of the structure to the imaginations of the congregants. Again, a church building project goal will do, especially with the use of architectural drawings.

Project ministry proxy. What is this? Most parishioners are spiritually lazy and want to buy God’s good pleasure with money. Hence, they want to see a ministry they know they should be doing that they can buy into with money. In essence, it’s like investing in the heavenly stock market; therefore, show an impressive portfolio.

Target emotions. Churchians will pay big money to be entertained. The most popular movies make people laugh and cry both. A good movie tugs the emotions in both directions. Do the same. If you are not gifted with this talent to do so, use multimedia excerpts from people who can.

Exchange specific doctrinal statements with the ambiguous use of “the gospel.” Be sure to pronounce it like this: “gaaawssssfffuuuul. It is also helpful to pronounce “God” this way: “GaaawwwD.” At any rate, when you use the word, “gospel,” the parishioners will project their own understanding of the gospel onto whatever you are saying. Specific doctrinal statements bring up unnecessary issues because most parishioners lack critical thinking to begin with. Speak to them according to the pithy truisms and spiritual bumper stickers they are accustomed to.

Project the furthering of church dominion. Remember, Protestantism was a church-state until the American Revolution. Remember, ALL Protestant doctrine was established and written during the time that Protestantism was a church-state, and for the express purposes of church-state. And remember, the church is returning to its original roots. Be sure to project your contribution to the furthering of church dominion.

These are BASIC fundamentals that should form your overall presentation which will vary from missionary to missionary. Again, you can improvise with goal/vision wherever necessary. For example, if you only have a Bachelor’s degree, leave that out while merely mentioning the seminary you graduated from and let the parishioners do what they are very good at; assuming things. Past that, partake in a cheesy online Master’s diploma program and tell them that you are in the process of obtaining your Master’s degree.  


5 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. John said, on April 19, 2017 at 12:55 PM

    Starting off topic slightly, just to get myself going. My son and I were scheming (joking around were we, of course) one day on how to get rich quickly; we were talking megabucks, so we could buy huge German vehicles, buy new houses every three years, travel to Paris (because there’s an overrated tower in a stink, ugly city), and then go to LA and the rest of California to see the filthiest place on earth…morally. We concluded that there was only one way to get so much cash: start a church.

    Paul, your article is accurate. About two years ago, I enquired about something from an “independent” (one of those inter-denominational flytraps) missionary-minded organization. Milk me a cow, but the FIRST thing they wanted to know was WHERE I worshiped and a signed letter from the pastor to prove that and more. Solid personal stuff. Milk me another cow. I said I was not attending a church; that I was a born-again Christian and not a member of some elitist club in which proud meaningless degrees count anything. That was the end of our brief correspondence. Thank God; no, really, thank Him. I could have been a pedophile, a pornographer, a strip club owner, a criminal…but THOSE things did not worry them…isn’t that all too familiar? Oh, and “inter-denominational,” the wax in my ear. Try Protestant.

    They knew from the beginning I was not (and would never) fall under their unbiblical idea of “authority.” In other words, I was not a member of their cult. Period. Said otherwise: They could not use me to further their sick, ungodly Protestant agenda. I would never be the clay in their filthy potters’ hands.

    I know of a kind-hearted missionary (the real deal; like your family members) who openly started disagreeing with his home church’s strange doctrines (Reformed rubbish) while doing missionary work in another country, thousands of miles away. He stuck to the truth, preached it, lived it, and then all funds and privileges were simply stopped without warning. He and his family had to get back home on their own without a penny in their name. But that’s the difference between the Calvinist “god” and the Biblical one. It’s called love; oh, and one of the “Gods” does not exist, but please don’t tell them Calvinists…Images of the devil’s Geneva come to mind…

    Milk me one last cow,


    • Andy Young, PPT contributing editor said, on April 19, 2017 at 1:40 PM

      It seems to me I don’t read anywhere in the Bible where the assemblies had “missionary funds” or “missions budgets”. Paul certainly didn’t benefit from any such thing. More to the contrary, Paul went out of his way to provide his own living and reminded the believers in various assemblies how he worked with his own hands so that he could not be chargeable to anybody. This served at least two purposes as far as I can see.
      1. He wasn’t a burden to them financially.
      2. He could not be manipulated by threat of revocation of financial support.
      The way missionaries operate today (and for the past 100 years or more) is just one more example of what is wrong with the institutional church.


      • John said, on April 19, 2017 at 3:32 PM

        You are right, Andy. The missionary I referred to had given up all to go to another country to share the true gospel and was then left high and dry (wife and 3 kids). He subsequently did all sorts to get back to his feet and made it!

        Missionaries need money (flights, schooling for kids, Bibles, etc.), but I would never give money to a third party to “channel” it to the missionary and his family. Gee, I wasn’t born last week. The most effective missionaries today are those who are not affiliated with any “church” or “missionary organization.” They are the ones who spread the gospel of Christ, and who do NOT spread the madness of men. And those who hear them can see it.

        Here in my part of the globe, there are missions budgets and funds that MUST be met (as was the case in the cult I once attended), and when the “poor” missionaries used to report back to the 350 different churches (I used to call these people “syndicated missionaries”) who supported them, there was never news of conversions, only news of the missionaries themselves (how sick they had been, how the kids were excelling at school, how difficult it was to master the lingua franca; about the amazing trees they had planted, or that they had learned to milk cows and make cheese, for example. All for the sovereign gawd’s glory. Nothing about conversions…)

        Oh, yes, and the mission fields were always in the most exotic places…never in Siberia, for example. Or in places where people, waving spears and having nose rings the size of Frisbees, look at you as though you’re the main course of the day. Or in their own home cities, there among the junkies and the destitute. Or, dare I say it, in their own Calvinist clubs…


      • Andy Young, PPT contributing editor said, on April 19, 2017 at 3:47 PM

        Furthermore, the Bible clearly states that “evangelism” is an individual mandate! Nowhere in the Bible do you see anywhere that we are supposed to outsource evangelism to a “missionary”. Every believer is an ambassador of reconciliation. And could there be any better way to describe us than “ambassadors”, for our citizenship is indeed in heaven, and we are simply God’s emissaries left here to bring the good message (euangelidzo = evangelize = “good message”) of the Kingdom, “Be ye reconciled to God!”


      • John said, on April 19, 2017 at 3:57 PM

        Yes, absolutely. I have touched on it in the comments of “Church Isolationism.”
        Today’s missionaries (for the most part, and from the Protestant cults) are not that at all; it has become a paid profession with huge fringe benefits. What a farce. There are even “celebrity” missionaries.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: