Come to Our Church Today So You Can Be Reminded How Depraved You Are!

Posted in Uncategorized by Andy Young, PPT contributing editor on March 12, 2017

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john smith said, on March 12, 2017 at 12:33 PM

I missed church today because Daylight Savings time got me. So I guess I’ll have to wait a week to find out how depraved I am.

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- Andy Young, PPT contributing editor said, on March 12, 2017 at 2:37 PM
  
  I choose to use my day of “rest” to actually, well, rest. It’s nice to sleep in any Sunday, not just when daylight savings time begins!
  For those in the institutional church, Sundays can be the most hectic and exhausting day of the week!
  
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John said, on March 12, 2017 at 1:57 PM

Andy, you mean they actually have an order of “worship”? Con-tra-dic-to-reeee!!!
Self-flagellation is so last year, anyway. I bet the place was packed with shiny, happy people today (I bought sarcasm in bulk).
And I bet the opening hymn was “If you’re happy and you know it, whip yourself.” And the closing hymn (for those who managed to stay until the end and who weren’t busy whipping themselves senseless in the washrooms while looking at pics of Luther and Calvin) was most probably, “It is hell with my soul.” You know, just to motivate the clueless sheep and keep them subdued until next Sunday…

What a sad, sad bunch. Oh, the joys of Reformed rubbish.

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republican mother said, on March 12, 2017 at 3:26 PM

Enjoying my fifth month of not hearing the same thing at Sunday School: “Who sins? We sin.”

At home, we have learned exponentially more than those trapped in the institution.

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- John said, on March 12, 2017 at 4:32 PM
  
  Great to hear that, republican mother. Blessings to you.
  
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john smith said, on March 13, 2017 at 1:39 PM

Why is it even supposedly non-Calvinist Baptists tend to react as if I had said something horribly blasphemous when I say Spurgeon was a heretic? What was so great about this chain-smoking heretic anyway? His sermon have this big reputation but they’re not really so great. In fact, I dare say the only thing that makes any part of any of his sermons sound good is the old English. The guy used thees and thous in everyday speech, and this confuses them into thinking his sermons are inspired. I think I just figured it out.

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- John said, on March 13, 2017 at 3:35 PM
  
  john (with a lowercase j): I believe Spurgeon was a heretic too. Come on, to equate Calvinism with the gospel signs, seals, and delivers it. He was a typical crowd-pleasing preacher who spoke out of the eleven corners of his mouth. Alas, he is one of Calvinism’s man “gods” and one of their idols. Read this Dr. Ivel:
  
  http://graceonlinelibrary.org/blog/spurgeon-was-not-a-calvinist-really/
  
  Do you think Phil Johnson (MacArthur’s batman, in the military sense) would waste time with the puffin’ Splurgeon if it weren’t the case?
  
  Here’s something to irritate us and to serve as a demonic mnemonic: “I Was Kaiser Bill’s Batman,” or should it be, “I Was MacArthur’s Batman”? Perhaps Splurgeon’s? I’m glad you figured out Spurge! Now whistle away, Sir john.
  
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