Spiritual Abuse, and an Answer to a Pastor
Pastor,
I am not on a journey to recover from spiritual abuse. The spiritual abuse was a symptom of a much bigger problem—I am on a journey to learn more and more about the cause of the symptoms. That is my journey. I have been on the journey long enough to know that Protestantism itself is the problem, and I am rethinking the Western traditions of men.
Furthermore, you have requested this of me before based on my disdain for the psycho-babble clichés being offered wholesale to the spiritually abused. Specifically, that forgiveness is critical to the “healing process.” First, victims do not effectively forgive where there is no repentance. This ministry has dealt with those who have been doing that gig for 20 years and now realize that it is a lie. I don’t forgive my abusers—they have not repented. I love them as my enemies, but I don’t forgive them. If they needed my help, I would help them in a heartbeat.
Why? As long as there is opportunity to love them as my enemies, the hope of RECONCILIATION looms in the future. Carte blanche forgiveness circumvents true reconciliation, and repentance that will assure as much as possible that others will not be victimized. Only then can true forgiveness from the heart take place—after true reconciliation and our properly vacated duty to protect others.
You should know all of this, but you still don’t get it. You first attempted to “move on with your life” in the beginning and it didn’t work. In fact, your silence was indirectly responsible for your best friend’s broken marriage. You see connections with my blog as a hindrance to once again “moving on” to the future. You now want me to participate in your continued ignorance, and I will not.
The answer to your request is, “no.” Resubmit your request when the lightbulb turns on.
Paul Dohse.
Paul's Passing Thoughts 
Argo,
Thank you for these encouraging words as this week I have been called a glutton, tool of satan, and mentally ill. This encouragement was much needed.
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Paul – I face the same delima but describe it differently. I am certain we have to forgive everyone as Christ does for us, or he says he will not forgive us. I believe to forgive others is to not seek revenge for the wrong they have caused us, to wish them no harm and Iove them as enemies of our Christian faith. But there can be no reconcilliation or friendship if there is no acknowledgement and ownership of the offenses.
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Richard,
I believe we won’t be forgiven if we refuse to forgive those who ask us for forgiveness. In the parable of the unmerciful servant, that was the issue. Not wishing ill or seeking revenge falls under loving our enemies. This is forgiving and loving as God does. He blesses His enemies, and promises to forgive those who ask, but He doesn’t forgive those who don’t repent. Actually, I find this incredibly freeing and hopeful. This keeps reconciliation and change on the front burner. Talk to any victim who has been told they have to forgive their abusers regardless of anything. Some have tried for 20 years and can’t find peace. I have peace. I am free; I don’t have to forgive them. I am not bitter. Far from it. God has replaced everything I lost. Bitterness develops in those who watch their abusers prosper uncontested and continuing in the same way.
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Oh yes! The ridiculous doctrine of forgiveness that enables abusers who make bank off Jesus. Sure, that is exactly what Jesus meant. Forgive wolves so they can continue to operate freely and if you warn of their wolfness you are in sin! Sure, that is what He was teaching.
Can we grow up now, please?
The “move on” cracks me up. I had this one done to me a few weeks ago simply because I avoided someone who is in one of the personality cults I was around for years. They pushed it and I finally told them I don’t associate with that group anymore. They said I had to “move on” from that. I said, point made! I AM moving on as that is why I avoided them in the first place!
THAT is moving on. Not acceptance and silence still hanging around those who buy into the cult of personality and think the wolves are normal Christianity. They think you are mean bitter and hateful simply because you don’t want anything to do with their world. They are the ones with the problem. I fixed mine. I no longer pretend their normal is my normal so they won’t be “offended”. They simply want to censor you.
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Take heart, Paul. I was accused of being mentally ill and emotionally unstable. All because I disagreed with what I saw happening up close and personal in the seeker mega world. This “diagnosis” was actually sent out on email to hundreds before I ever tried to defend myself. Talk about poisoning the well!
They know what they are doing. And it is evil. And yes, they WILL answer for it. They use their lofty positions to marginalize those who refuse to do their evil bidding to maintain and grow their power base. If that is mentally ill, then so be it.
Bottomline: There are very few people out there who are just and fair and willing to stand on that no matter what. There are very few people who are not impressed with titles and so called “important” people. They are not thinkers.
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Yes, rough crowd down there in Louisville. I got an email about something Big Al did to a detractor. It was so outrageous that I am not sure whether I dreamed it or really got such an email.
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The average person or Jesus-follower doesn’t understand what they are getting into.
It’s telling how power-hungry churches are in our day that church membership is sold as “what a good Christian does” but it is actually a legal contractual document reviewed & approved by a church’s lawyers.
If you volunteer or work behind the scenes, depending on what you do, you may see the church is actually functioning like a corporation first & foremost. They can be money-making ventures with certain individuals profiting, but with all the tax-breaks & secrecy of non-profit status.
It is quite telling that most, if not all, reformed Nouthetic Counseling Centers are in the upper-middle class & upper class neighborhoods only. I believe Paul did a study comparing location & neighborhood income a while ago.
There should be no doubt it’s about money.
The actions, strategies, accusations, silencing stem from it. Some keep harping on sinful “pride” as the root. As if one can be christian but “struggle” with this besetting type of sin called pride. Disagree, it’s about money & control/power of it & from it. Pretty simple.
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Reblogged this on Clearcreek Chapel Watch.
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Paul – Thank you for this. You and I are closely connected to this situation. The spiritual abuser in question has not repented and so he remains a threat to thousands. He has already destroyed one marriage, caused another family to move hundreds of miles a way and caused unknown grief to countless people.
No, we do not ignore this and put it on the back burner and call it “recovered.” We call it out and expose it. For us to hide proof would make us perpetrators for more abuse to occur.
I will not remove the article from my blog. If I did, it would be a slap in the face to those who were harmed and affected by the abuse. It might tell them that their suffering was all in their head. The suffering is not in their head because it was real. I will stand with those who call out abuse. Those who don’t like it will have to deal with it.
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Julie,
Right, and look, if people want to believe that we should issue blank check forgiveness, say that without adding “like God forgave us” because that’s not how God forgives–He requires repentance.
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I stand corrected on my earlier statement in which I was “certain” we have to forgive everyone. Repentance is required. Please forgive my ignorance and thank you for the enlightenment.
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I think you are being a little hard on yourself Richard.
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“Yes, rough crowd down there in Louisville. I got an email about something Big Al did to a detractor. It was so outrageous that I am not sure whether I dreamed it or really got such an email.”
Very rough crowd. Here is how one does it: Work your way to a lofty and respected position. You surround yourself with young yes men. Then you insulate yourself while ingratiating yourself with movers and shakers always checking the wind changes. Over time you become untouchable. You can pretty much do what you want because there is NEVER a documented trail and most won’t believe it anyway because most people are impressed with position/titles OR they simply want to be around the throne of power.
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