Paul's Passing Thoughts

For all of you out there who insist on believing that Christians have to forgive others regardless of anything, I am going to let you have that belief and I am going to attempt something else in addition; before I am done with this article, I am going to tell you what biblical forgiveness is. If you are going to tell people that they have to forgive others regardless of anything, you should at least be able to tell them how to do it. That way, when sister Sally comes to you for counsel because deacon Dan molested her in the broom closet at church 17 years ago and she hasn’t yet been able to “forgive” him, you can at least tell her how to do that.

You see, the WHY we should forgive others is NOT the HOW. Folks are immovable on the why, let’s at least do the how. I once heard my son’s school teacher say, “We are created for work and doing things because we have minds, muscles, feet and hands.” Nothing in the Christian life is ever a mere mental ascent; the “blessing” is in the “doing” (James 1:25). Does that include forgiveness? Sure it does.

I suppose the best argument is the idea that there are two kinds of forgiveness: “divine forgiveness” and “human forgiveness.” Hence, when we say that we should forgive others like God forgave us, that’s not really what you mean to say because God’s forgiveness requires repentance. Well then, stop saying it that way! If we are to forgive a different way, don’t say “like” because words mean things. I guess that would be the first thing: stop causing confusion with your words.

However, the passages used to proof text this argument are ALL, I repeat, ALL, conditional on repentance by the offending party; a fact that is conveniently left out. And apparently, “if” doesn’t mean “if.” “IF” is a conditional transition. Nevertheless, as I said, the point will be granted, and as Christians, we have the liberty to cover minor offences with love (“love covers a multitude of sin”), but there is still an obligation to do it biblically.

So, how do we counsel someone to forgive? Like God (apparently, in regard to this point only), they must give opportunity for repentance. Go to them “alone.” How important is repentance to the forgiveness process? Well, if they won’t repent, you are to return with two witnesses. Really? Why not just forgive them and be done with it? If we have to forgive them anyway, why all the fuss? If they “listen” to you and the witnesses, “you have gained a brother.” But if he/she still doesn’t listen, “tell it to the church”? Again, if repentance is not that important, why all the fuss? And why is repentance not emphasized x3 in churches as opposed to carte blanche forgiveness according to the Christian bumper sticker? Why not emphasize what Scripture emphasizes? Obviously, great effort in obtaining repentance is a very important element of the how.

Furthermore, the practice of forgiveness must contain the following elements:

1. You will not bring it up to yourself ever again (opposite of step 1 of Matthew 18).

2. You will not bring it up to the other person ever again (step 1 of Matthew 18).

3. You will not bring it up to others ever again ([gossip] step 2 & 3 of Matthew 18).

4. You will fellowship with that person with intentionality ([putting off old memories and putting on new memories] opposite of disfellowship in Matthew 18, you have “gained a brother”).

Like God’s forgiveness (again, apparently on this point only as well), you refuse to remember their sins any longer. God doesn’t forget, that means he will not bring it up again for the purpose of condemning. You do the like when you forgive someone.

This is the only biblical forgiveness that brings true healing. And by the way, as studies have shown, the same principle works in the world as well. Unbelievers become the best of friends in severe circumstances when the offender is truly regretful of what they did and seek the forgiveness of the family. In other words, there is a commonsense element here.

But what should we do if someone refuses to repent and ask our forgiveness? Matthew 18 is clear: we are to consider them unbelievers and treat them accordingly. True Christian forgiveness is impossible without the Matthew 18 process. And if we do cover it with love, four of the five elements are efficacious to true forgiveness. Otherwise, repentance must be sought first, though we may not get it.

Now, once a person is considered an unbeliever, or is an unbeliever, can the Christian grant them forgiveness? That’s a good question. Stephen and Christ beseeched God to forgive their persecutors; why didn’t they simply say that they themselves forgave them? When they asked God to forgive them, is God going to do that without repentance?

Therefore, I am not sure believers can grant forgiveness to an unbeliever; in fact, it may give them the wrong idea that God will do the same. At the very least, we should explain to them that we ARE NOT forgiving them like God forgives them. So, do we explain to an unbeliever in the process of forgiving them that there is a “divine forgiveness” and a “human forgiveness”? What if an unbeliever does ask us for forgiveness? Should we grant it to them? Or would it be better to tell them that only God can do that? Who has the authority to forgive sin on earth? Us? Or God? Would we really tell that person that we forgive them but God doesn’t? Now who is making themselves God?

At any rate, these are some questions to think about, but there is NEVER any true forgiveness apart from the previously listed five elements—forgiveness is not a mere mental assent. In regard to forgiving unbelievers, at the very least, the Christian must overcome evil with good; there must be intentional action in context.

And I am not sure overcoming evil with good is the same as granting forgiveness. But in either case, true healing requires deliberate action. Forgiveness is not a mere mental assent.

paul