Paul's Passing Thoughts

Satire: New Calvinists Start 12-Step Program for Righteous Christians

Posted in Uncategorized by Paul M. Dohse Sr. on June 14, 2013

ppt-jpeg4New Calvinists, firmly in control of Christian counseling in our day, have started a 12-step program for Christians addicted to righteousness. According to David Powlison’s research and development team at CCEF, the addiction begins with a literal translation of the Bible. Apparently, the addiction is most prevalent among lower income Christians who can’t afford CCEF and NANC materials that keep Christians updated in regard to the latest Christocentric metaphysical interpretations. This marks a new focus by CCEF towards the ignorant laity.

Powlison joins colleague Paul David Tripp in this new program that targets the longstanding problem among Christians of not interpreting the Bible in its “gospel context.” Consequently, the writings of the apostle Paul are interpreted literally in regard to his assertion that Christians are “enslaved” to righteousness (ROM 6:17,18) and able to please God by obeying Scripture. Particularly troublesome is Paul’s message to those who are obeying: do it “more and more” (1THESS 4:1). While Powlison acknowledges that the enemies of the “vertical church” have been sufficiently neutralized, there is an unfortunate remnant suffering in the shadows caused by obedience in our “own efforts” that eclipse the Son.

As Paul David Tripp explains on page of 64 and 65 of How People Manifest the Saving Works of Christ in the Spirit Realm, Christians are still enemies of God, spiritually dead, alienated from God, suppress the truth in unrighteousness, and “enslaved.” The problem, asserts Tripp, is that many well-meaning Christians confuse that Christocentric reality with the apostle Paul’s description of the unregenerate throughout the New Testament.

PPT has obtained a tape of a weekly meeting associated with this new program:

Group leader: “We have a new visitor with us tonight. Jake, would you like to introduce yourself?”

Jake: “Uh, uh, I, uh, Hi, uh, my name is Jake, uh, I, I, I, I am righteous.”

Group: “Hi Jake.”

Group leader: “Is there anybody here who might encourage Jake?”

Group member: “Hi Jake, I’m Kippy, and I have been righteousness-free for five years now. You can do it Jake! Like us, you can stop trying to be the gospel and instead let Jesus show forth His righteousness in your realm.”

Applause from group.

PPT has also obtained the 12 steps associated with this new program:

1. Admit that you are righteous. Overcoming denial is the first step.

2. Begin using the Bible to plunge the depths of understanding in regard to your wickedness.

3. Burn all to-do lists at home, work, and at church.

4. Buy and read all new releases by John Piper.

5. Join a gospel-centered church.

6. Obey the elders for weekly absolution.

7. Tattle on anyone seen frowning during a sermon.

8. Stop hanging on to anything that gives you joy other than Christ. Most New Calvinist churches have covenants that allow you to sign all of these things over to the church.

9. Avoid all persons who are addicted to righteousness as you once were. Remember, bad company corrupts good orthodoxy.

10. Refute challenges with a list of quotations from 45 Reformed dead guys. This list can be obtained from your local New Calvinist elder.

11. Ignore guilt associated with unrighteousness, this is the flesh tempting you to focus on something you may do rather than what Jesus has done.

12. Preach the gospel to yourself daily. As you then partake in deep repentance, the works of Jesus are offered to the Father and you are once again justified.


8 Responses

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  1. paulspassingthoughts said, on June 14, 2013 at 8:33 AM

    Reblogged this on Clearcreek Chapel Watch.


  2. Anonymous said, on June 14, 2013 at 10:57 PM
  3. Reed Here said, on June 21, 2013 at 12:04 PM
    • paulspassingthoughts said, on September 21, 2013 at 4:19 PM


      The post is a literary parody. The book is actually, “How People Change” Punch press 2006. In the book, Trip teaches that Christians only EXPERIENCE the obedience of Christ, and have none of our own.


  4. […] New Calvinists Start 12-Step Program for Righteous Christians. […]


  5. fescuefarmer said, on June 27, 2019 at 1:11 AM

    I needed a good laugh Pilgrim!


    • Paul M. Dohse Sr. said, on June 27, 2019 at 8:53 AM

      You are welcome.


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