New Calvinism and 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
the answer is easy if you take it logically.
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
there must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
furthermore I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
but I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
there must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
Chorus:
Just slip out the back, Jack
make a new plan, Stan
don’t need to be coy, Roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, Gus
don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free.
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said, I appreciate that,
and would you please explain about the 50 ways.
She said, why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
and I believe that in the morning you’ll begin to see the light
and then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
there must be 50 ways to leave your lover
50 ways to leave your lover…
The quandary is fairly common in our day: your spouse stinks, but none of their faults rise to biblical grounds for divorce. You’re stuck; there is no way out without losing your appearance of righteousness. But the problem is all inside your head, the answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free; New Calvinism is the key. Make a new plan, there is bound to be a New Calvinist church near you.
Take heart, the only standard is that your marriage, “looks like the gospel.” After all, love is not about verbs, it’s not about what we do, but rather a noun: Jesus, and what He has done. These New Calvinist churches pride themselves on having a building full of marriages that look like the gospel, and how that is accomplished is the key.
It’s not my habit to intrude, but ask your spouse the following question to conclude if the New Calvinist plan could lead to sanctified solitude:
Honey, do you believe that all obedience that the Lord values is the result of gospel contemplationism that results in a joyful mere natural flow of actions that Christ already accomplished for us while He lived on Earth. And if we try to obey God in our own efforts in sanctification, or out of mere duty, do you believe that equals works salvation and is not living by faith alone?
And if they say,
No honey, that’s ridiculous. It sounds like some kind of antinomianism to me.
I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude: there must be 50 ways to leave your lover, but this is the only one you need. Such a rejection of the true gospel is why your marriage does not glorify Jesus….just get yourself free.
Sign up for “biblical counseling” at your local Reformed church where they believe any sanctification that is not by faith alone is an “abomination.” There is not much to discuss; eventually, the errant spouse will be placed in “redemptive” church disciple because it’s “redemptive” for those who don’t believe in monergistic sanctification. Once the spouse is “declared an unbeliever”—they have abandoned you “in their heart”—you can get yourself free.
Just slip out the back, Jack
make a new plan, Stan
don’t need to be coy, Roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, Gus
don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free.
paul
Paul's Passing Thoughts 
Paul,
Are you ready to receive her back if she repents?
LikeLike
Andrew,
Not sure what you are referring to. The post has very little to do with my own situation and everything to do with the reality of Reformed theology and how it is applied in the contemporary church. “Redemptive” church discipline is called such for a reason. Instead of being for correction and the resolution of conflict in the church, its purposes are “redemptive.” Regardless of the criticism I have received, this is exactly what Tom Ascol was referring to in his 2008 resolution to the SBC. And, the word is getting out. If you want to get rid of your spouse, all you have to do is get them into Reformed marriage counseling and establish that they don’t believe in monergistic sanctification. Once the person is declared an unbeliever (if they don’t eventually profess gospel sanctification) almost anything constitutes an “abandonment in the heart” and “biblical” grounds for divorce. In cases where a spouse doesn’t want to leave a church and the other one does because of said doctrine–the elders will support the spouse who doesn’t want to leave all the way to divorce court. This has already become commonplace. Actually, your question as it would relate to my situation indicates some missing information,
LikeLike
Oh, my, don’t get me started. In my situation, the FIRST thing the counselor said to me over the phone (I had not yet met him) was: “First we have to get rid of your anger” and “We have to find out what you were doing to drive him to ‘the other woman’.” By the way, this was at least the second ‘other woman’. According to the Reformers, it would seem that if I did not get rid of my anger and if I refused to admit that I drove him to ‘the other woman’, then it would, indeed, be all my fault, and my now-ex husband would be entirely justified for his adultery. Yep, I get it. Shaking my head.
LikeLike
Jo,
Right, if you read much here at PPT, we make a big deal of the “Cross Chart.” ALL wisdom concerns the knowledge of good and evil;ie, God, and your evil. So, when you go for counseling, your sin, and your faults are the issue, not anyone else. To focus on your pain, or how you have been wronged is the “glory story” and not the “cross story.” This is right out of Luther’s Declaration of Reformed Theology.
LikeLike
Thank you, Paul. I totally understand! And I DO read almost every word you send out. When I’m finished with a current long project, I suspect I’ll have time to read as though I’m in a college classroom. This is not “lite” stuff! Thank you, and thank you, Susan.
LikeLike
Paul you know my story, so your latest blog was right on.
LikeLike
….and so good to hear from you. Susan and I will be calling you tonight.
LikeLike
Don’t know if you heard the story of the dentist in Iowa who fired his assistant of ten years because he was becoming sexually attracted to her, though she was not coming on to him. He made this choice after he and his wife discussed the situation with their pastor, who agreed that she should be fired. Wonder if the pastor is a New Calvinist. Anyway, the State Supreme Court, incredibly, found in the dentist’s favor. Maybe they are NC also?
LikeLike
Jeff,
Don’t know, but this is the kind of buffoonery that blasphemes God’s name to the Gentiles. Since we can’t change, get rid of the receptionist. This whole idea that we can’t do “all things” because Christ strengthens us becomes Christ does it all through dead men walking and He may decide to take away the lust, or He may not. So, I prayed about it (and supposedly that’s not a work), and the lust didn’t go away, so it’s Jesus’ will that I lust to show me how worthless I am as “set against His holiness.” So, in order to put guardrails around my total depravity, let’s fire the receptionist.
SAD.
LikeLike
Jeff, In Islam they blame the women for their lust. The consequences are more dire but the foundational thinking is the same.
LikeLike
and what’s the difference between Reformed theology and Islam? Not much.
LikeLike