Extending Grace?
I am having great difficulty with answering some of the questions in my First Place 4 Health Bible Study. The questions have to do with extending grace to others in order to influence their belief in God, and offering grace to others because grace in an undeserved gift from God. I went to my favorite online dictionary to broaden my perspective on the word grace. There were definitions from Christian theology to Greek goddesses, luck to a blessing said at a meal- 21 different definitions for the word grace when used as a noun.
I went to the concordance of my trusty New Scofield Reference Bible and looked up the many verses from both Old and New Testaments that contained the word grace and gained more insight about the word.
How to answer the two questions from my Bible Study requires me to answer two other questions first:
1) Whose grace am I extending, God’s or my own in order to influence others in their belief in God? (The study question was: How might your extending grace to others influence their belief in God/)
2) Whose grace do I offer to others, God’s or my own? (The study question was: If grace is an undeserved gift from God (not a reward that is earned), then how should that affect our attitude about offering grace to others?)
Grace is an undeserved gift from God. My salvation is because of His grace. For by grace are you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God. Eph. 2:8,9 I cannot offer salvation to others, only God through His grace can save; therefore, I must conclude that I extend a human act of grace to others in hope to influence their belief in God. ( Right?) Which definition of grace do I extend? Kindness and compassion, love, mercy, favor, disposition to serve another, a privilege conferred? It certainly must depend upon the situation and person. (Right?) I can only offer human expressions of grace to those around me and I must offer those expressions with humility and as acts of service.
There are numerous times we offer too much grace to our believing friends and that in turn creates an unhealthy spiritual environment for all parties. We can keep extending grace to sinning friends so that it becomes a shield or an excuse for their continuing in wrong behavior or sin. There is a place for biblical confrontation and great care and discernment must be used to determine when to extend grace or when to apply consequences.
Let me cite this recent example:
I returned to the First Place 4 Health Bible Study and Support Group after having been absent for over a year.( Paul and I were ministering on Wednesday evenings at another church.) The core group of women was still present, as well as several new enrollees. While listening to several of the core members I realized one was still discussing the same issue: how to keep from going to Tim Horton’s for mocha lattes. For the three years she had been with us in the group, she was still struggling with mocha lattes. (She had not lost any weight over the course of the three years.) To my horror, the ladies laughed it off and then began talking about deep fried Snickers, and other unhealthy snacks they preferred. The answer from the leader,” Well Dee, we’ll just have to pray for you this week.”
Where is grace in that? Dee should have been confronted about how she was taking the First Place Commitments and making them a mockery. She should have been given a plan for having success in making better choices that involved her husband and children to help hold her accountable. How was extending more grace to Dee influencing the new members to put off the unhealthy habits that created the fat rolls and put on healthy habits instead? It created instead a loophole for those new members. “When I consistently make wrong choices, there will be more grace extended to me”, is what they will begin to believe. In AA circles this is called “enabling the addict.”
Our First Place group should attend some AA meetings. If an alcoholic were to confess that they struggled with going through the drive through to purchase wine coolers, the AA leader and the other members would spend a large amount of time confronting that member and coming up with a plan for more accountability. How do I know that? I used to attend 2-3 AA meetings a week with Wayne ( my first husband, now deceased), and witnessed several times how weak members were confronted about their choices. No grace. They were rebuked, instructed in the rules of AA, and offered help to be victorious one day at a time. Why should we women who make First Place Commitments to eat healthy and follow the “live-it plan” be treated any differently? Come on, First Place Friends—stop using grace as an excuse for bad behavior!
susan
Paul's Passing Thoughts 
Susan,
sounds like you are onto something here. I’m sure you’ve seen Paul’s references to New Calvinists who advocate throwing out the “to do lists.” However, “to do lists” and “plans” are like road maps. We are pilgrams here on a journey. We need maps! Thanks
Arkansas Bill
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Susan,
I think people who use grace as an excuse for bad behavior or scorn practical solutions don’t understand its true meaning. Rebuke, accountability and “to-do-lists” — if we are walking in the Spirit, therein lies grace. (One of my favorite places to go for definitions is http://1828.mshaffer.com/ — that’s a free on-line version of Noah Webster’s 1828 dictionary. It has some great definitions and scriptures for grace.)
God bless,
Jess
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Susan, this was great! I will never forget when one of my New Calvinist friends rebuked me for saying “where there is a will there is a way” one day in his presence. I was referring to myself…not to him. He said, that saying left out God and I was trying to do things on my own efforts.
I was really hurt because my late mother said this all the time to us kids. It was a “no excuses” type of rebuke but said with love and a positive disposition.
Let’s face it, Dee does not have the will to stop the latte’s. I can relate to that one! But I expect NO cheap grace for it.
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This blog entry is a breach of trust and friendship. I hope it is all fictitious in order to make a point. I pray you will remove it.
John 17:21 – For the sake of the lost!
Eph. 4 – For the sake of the Bride!
Matt. 18:15
Prov. 16:28**
Gal. 5:22 – 6:3
Reprove, rebuke, build up…but do it correctly. In love.
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Dear, Anonymous,
Thank you for your anonymous rebuke for my wife’s post concerning anonymous subjects. Before this was posted, she confronted the groups leader and the result was that she has been asked to address the group as a whole about this problem next week. The names in the post were changed to protect the guilty. Sorry that James and many others are dead because you could rebuke them for posting the ugly controversy that took place at the Jerusalem church, and I’m thinking that post has gotten more exposure than this one. And, the names weren’t changed either. Why am I tempted to think that you are a fan of David Powlison and Paul Tripp who constantly use counseling situations as “teaching” examples and change the names. Why am I tempted to think that you also think that “How People Change” is a wonderful book that is full of such examples. But, the “Andy” example actually accuses every evangelical at large who puts forth “effort” in the sanctification process as those who practice “Christless activism.”
And thanks for your anonymous false accusations.
paul
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Hi Susan,
I want to ask permission to use part of your post in my First Place 4 Health E-Newsletter. I would, of course change the names and change Tim Horton’s to Starbucks so no one would know it was from you. Let me know if this is OK. If you would rather I not use it, I can just state the problem and speak to that.
Blessings to you,
Carole Lewis
FP4H National Director
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Hi Carole,
Susan is teaching today and I contacted her in regard to this, and you have full permission.
Blessings.
paul and susan
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Jess,
Your kind comments are appreciated and are an encouragement to me. Thanks for the web site.
susan
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Jess,
Your kind comments are appreciated and are an encouragement to me. Thanks for the web site.
susan
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Anonymous
Perhaps you are not familiar with how First Place 4 Health works. Secondly, someone, especially my friend, who announce to an entire group that they are “addicted” to a substance, even something as benign as mocha lattes need to be admonished. To not confront her is to fail to “speak the truth” at all. You seem to be naive in the area of addictive behaviors. Thank you for your comment. It provokes me to write more on this subject.
susan
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Lydia,
Where there is a “will” especially God’s will, there is also a way, His way! Your mother was wise and I bless her name. Thank you for your comment.
susan
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Bill,
We are admonished in God’s word to stay on the narrow road. In order to do that, we certainly need the best “road map” available, and we all agree that His word is the most reliable one there is.
Thank you for your comment.
susan
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