Paul's Passing Thoughts

As I recently stated in the post, Is Love and Forgiveness Always the Same Thing? http://wp.me/pmd7S-1wk, we cannot always avoid having enemies. As much as it depends on us, and if possible, we should be at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). I wrote of the necessity for repentance before forgiveness is granted. What is forgiveness? If God is our model, forgiveness does not “remember” the sin any longer (Isaiah 43:25 Heb. 8:12; 10:17. Antithesis: Ps.109:14). That doesn’t necessarily mean the event will be vanquished from our mind, and of course, God doesn’t forget things. It means that we will not bring the matter up again to ourselves (dwelling, Phil. 4:8), the other person (revenge), or others (gossip). Furthermore, the forgiveness must also be like God’s forgiveness in that fellowship/relationship follows. In one instance that I know of where reconciliation took place between two Christians, one recommended that they should make it a point to seek each other out as a first priority on every Sunday morning for the purpose of greeting each other. That’s impressive, and according to biblical wisdom.

Unfortunately, many are taught in our day that they must, “forgive and forget” in every circumstance. If they do that, they are “doing it for themselves” and it will lead to a peaceful life. Hence, many live in misery under the burden of unresolved conflict and the forced acceptance of watching the behavior continually propagated on others. To expose or confront is not “forgiving and forgetting.”  In addition, the neglect of holding people accountable is not exactly a loving act in and of itself. Supposedly, not forgiving will only lead to bitterness, perpetual anger, and joylessness.

Not so. Those that we are not reconciled to in the Bible are referred to as “enemies,” and we are to love them. You can love someone that you are angry with. We are to be angry without sin (Eph. 4:26); sinful anger is revenge (Rom. 12:19). Anger itself is not sin; God is often angry:

Psalm 2:12

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Psalm 4:4

Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

Psalm 18:7

Then the earth reeled and rocked; the foundations also of the mountains trembled and quaked, because he was angry.

Psalm 79:5

How long, O LORD? Will you be angry forever? Will your jealousy burn like fire?

Psalm 80:4

O LORD God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people’s prayers?

Psalm 85:5

Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger to all generations?

First, our focus and goal should always be reconciliation. As mentioned in the other post, doing good to our enemies lends opportunity for reconciliation. We should also continue to hold them accountable whether the church does what it is supposed to do or not, but without vengeful acts. By the way, revenge in our mind must be excluded also. Vengeful thinking is what leads to bitterness when forgiveness cannot be granted, not the lack of forgiveness itself. Can we promise a rapist or a sexual abuser that we will never bring up their unrepentant behavior in the future? Hardly!

Secondly, Matthew 18 cuts both ways. If  a pastor or elders refuse to repent when you go to them according to the Matthew 18 process, and the congregation or other leaders refusing to hold them accountable notwithstanding (“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them”), keep in mind that they may be treated like unbelievers in such cases. By all means, when the opportunity arises, preach the gospel to them. Who excluded them from the Matthew 18 process?

Thirdly, Make sure you have asked for forgiveness where you were unbiblical in the situation. That puts the ball in their court as far as your responsibility in the matter. Don’t apologize, ask for forgiveness. And exclude all “….but….” If they bring up issues where you have no biblical fault, DO NOT seek forgiveness on that issue because that is not repentance according to the truth. God will not honor it. If you are not sure their issue is valid—postpone your response and seek counsel from the word and others who have wisdom in this area.

Fourthly, pray for your enemies specifically (Matthew 5:44). How would you like to see the situation resolved? What do you really want for that person’s life? James said we do not have because we do not ask.

Fifthly, in your duty to expose, warn, confront, love, learn (remember, God has allowed this in your life for a reason), and reconcile if possible, pick your thinking and conversation carefully. “Dwelling” (a kissing cousin to revengeful thinking or murdering people in our heart) is not constructive towards a solution or cause.  Read Philippians, chapter four in regard to what kind of thinking leads to peace.

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