“Gospel Driven Divorce”: Is Your Marriage in Imminent Danger?
Rush Limbaugh often says he knows liberals like every inch of his glorious naked body. I must confess, even with all of the study I have done on the *gospel driven life*, or *gospel driven sanctification*, I think I still know my body much better. New revelations concerning GDS are often so bizarre that it takes time to finally come to grips with the fact that its proponents actually advocate various elements. First, for those who are not familiar with GDS, here is a thumbnail of what it teaches:
The same gospel that saved us must be meditated upon every day in order to grow spiritually. The whole Bible is about the gospel and nothing else. According to John Piper: “That’s why the Bible is so big; there’s a gospel application to every event in life” (slight paraphrase-see video entitled “The Gospel in 6 Minutes” Sept. 12, 2007- Desiring God Ministries). Therefore, we meditate on the gospel through looking for it in the Scriptures, and as we meditate on the gospel as seen in the Scriptures, “we are changed from glory to glory,” or in other words: “Beholding as a way of becoming” (John Piper, “The Pleasures of God” pg 15 ). Also, according to John Piper, we should “never, never, never, never, never, never, never, think that the gospel saves us and then we move on to something else”(“The Gospel in 6 Minutes”). In fact, most proponents of GDS think that any “moving on to something else,” even if it falls under the category of discipleship, is a false gospel and you therefore forfeit both justification and sanctification. In other words, if you believe in synergistic sanctification- your lost.
So then, everything in the Bible must be seen in light of the gospel, and interpreted accordingly; marriage and divorce would not be an exception to this rule in any regard. In short, if you are a believing spouse, and your marriage doesn’t “look like the gospel” ( the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church) you are free to divorce your spouse. Buckle-up, here is an article that advocates this GDS view:
Gospel Love, Marriage & Divorce
“Recently, I have been studying the Scriptures and paying closer attention to how it is most of us as Christians have understood love, marriage and divorce. Surprisingly, although we say we believe that the most intimate of marriage relationships is to be modeled by Christ and his relationship to the Church, we do not, in our theology, really seem to believe or practice that.
We seem to have allowed our understanding and definition of marriage be something that is not a reflection of Christ and the Church. Marriage, we are told, is between a man and a woman. Agreed. That is a principle definition of marriage that definitely stems from God’s design of marriage back in the garden of Eden. However, that is only part of the formula for what constitutes a marriage. The most important ingredient that we as the Church have allowed our secular influences to omit is none other than God himself. Biblically, God is necessarily 1/3 of the relational equation in order for a marriage (or a church!) to be “joined together by God.” Likewise, apostate churches that do not properly include God, are not recognized by God. By definition, a true marriage or Church must include the one true God as a common denominator.
As the Church, we have then failed to see the legacies of Divine love, marriage and divorce throughout the Scriptures. And because we have embraced a marital world-view that can be devoid of God, we have found ourselves struggling with the whole subsequent understanding of how to understand divorce.
In Scripture, where divorce is sanctioned by God, the aim is always redemptive in some sense. It is always gospel driven.
Abraham divorced his 2nd wife, Hagar, because of gospel unbelief (Genesis 21:10-12; Galatians 4:29, 30).
Ezra, the prophet, counseled the entire nation of Israel to divorce their foreign/unbelieving wives…”according to the Law” (Ezra 9, 10).
God gave Israel a certificate of divorce for her antinomian apostasy: gospel rejection (Jeremiah 3; John 15; Romans 11).
The men who divorced their wives in Malachi were rebuked for doing so due to the fact that their wives remained faithful to God. These men divorced their “believing” wives only to marry non-believers. This, God hated.
Paul exhorts the believers in Corinth who are still in a mixed marriage to “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…come out from among them and be separate” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).
Again, Christ divorced the church of Laodicea for its gospel rejection, for embracing an antinomian apostasy as well (Revelation 3).
The common denominator that is found amongst every single divorce that was sanctioned by God was a HEART denominator, a GOD denominator that was identified as not being existent in the marriage.
So when we read the words of Jesus, “Except for fornication, a man must not divorce his wife,” we do not take his meaning of fornication (GK: pornea) as being literal. From the consistent revelation given elsewhere in Scripture, he was understandably speaking of a spiritual fornication: love for the world.
Once this God centered understanding of marriage and divorce is understood, we no longer have to struggle with the idea of “what kind of sins can qualify as “pornea”? We no longer have to tell married wives, “I know your husband beats you, occasionally, and perhaps he only beats your children. However, God never said it would be easy to be a follower of Jesus, so you need to understand that it is His will for you to remain married to your miserable and unbelieving husband (or apostate spouse).”
“I tell you the truth,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.” Luke 18:29, 30.”
Get the picture? The crux of the article is this excerpt: “In Scripture, where divorce is sanctioned by God, the aim is always redemptive in some sense. It is always gospel driven.” Basically, what it boils down to is this: in reformed circles where GDS is propagated, all bets are off; any marriage that doesn’t “look like the gospel” is possible fodder for divorce court. But who in the world would be the judge of that? No marriage is perfect; at what point would one decide that it is or isn‘t? Well, welcome to the nebulous world that is GDS.
However, in this environment, any mixed marriage (believer and unbeliever) would certainly be doomed to failure, for no unbelieving spouse could live up to a picture of God’s marriage with the church. The believing spouse, once in such a church, will have a green light to divorce the second the ink is dry on the membership application. But here is a problem as well: now you have a situation where the marriage is only valid if a certain standard is met. Isn’t that the antithesis of the gospel? Well, welcome to the contradictory world that is also GDS. But you say, “hey Paul, at least the other spouse has to be an unbeliever. If your both saved; and in such a church, your safe, right?” Yes you are, if you both are proponents of GDS. Remember, more traditional views of the relationship between justification and sanctification are deemed to be a false gospel in GDS circles.
The proof is in the pudding. I predict that divorce will soon become rampant in reformed churches, if it isn’t already. I know of a few that actually pride themselves in “building marriages that look like the gospel.” Unfortunately, this is often done through divorce and remarriage, with God’s supposed stamp of approval. Some of these churches, even small ones of 200 or 300 members, average a divorce and remarriage to the tune of one per year. I also predict that as the word gets out, spouses will begin to go to these churches with the ill intent of getting a church-sanctioned divorce. Stay tuned.
paul
Is Your Husband An Idiot?
During some counseling training I attended several years ago, the teacher quoted his wife in regard to marital attitudes. It was one of those quotes that really sticks with you: “Deep down inside, every wife thinks her husband is an idiot.” You may disagree, but let’s set that thought aside for now and examine the fact that the world definitely thinks your husband is an idiot. Our culture is saturated with *your husband is an idiot* messages. Almost every sitcom on TV presents the husband as an idiot. Almost every TV commercial presents the husband as an idiot as well. Point in case, the latest McDonald’s commercial; the husband jack-hammers the porch and almost all of the sidewalk when only the porch needed to be replaced. He does this to get the full rental value from the tool rental facility. Per the usual, the attractive, intelligent wife saves what’s left of the family sidewalks by enticing him away with a bag of food; the same way you would control any pet by holding up food in front of their faces. The commercial ends with the incredulous wife confiscating his paper cup because he is making noise with it as children often do. Another point in case, the latest Verizon commercial where the husband drops their children off two miles away from school to save money on gas. This presents the husband as an idiot as well as someone who cares more about money than his family, the latter being a constant theme on TV as well. Wait a minute, I see Jim Foxworthy calling in on my cell phone [uh uh, ok, ya, I got it]. Ok, I’m back. Are you entertained by the above examples rather than taking offence? Well then, you juuust might think your husband is an idiot.
It’s not just TV. I ordered some carryout at Bob Evans last night and saw a plaque for sale in their gift shop area with the following inscription: “I live with stress. I eat with him, sleep with him, and pick-up after him.” I perused the rest of the plaques to see if there was any counterpart humor to no avail; that doesn’t sell these days. As a matter of fact, it would probably offend people. Furthermore, I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a wife denigrate her husband in public. Just this week, I heard a waitress refer to her husband as an idiot to the customers she was waiting on. Not a day later, I heard another wife referring to her family of two kids, and a husband, as “my three kids.” Do you make like references in regard to your husband? Well then, you juuuust might think your husband is an idiot.
This mentality is so saturated in our society that it is actually in vogue for men to denigrate themselves as a way to demonstrate their character traits to others. Point in case, the new Burger King commercial where Tony Stewart admits to [in jest] wearing women’s underwear. This denigration, as set against the masculine image of a race car driver is what sells today in our culture. As a man, do you want to impress the ladies? Well then, admit that you are an idiot or better yet, a pervert. Wow, see how humble you are?
Per the usual, the Church exposes it’s self to these infections because we just don’t get it; when the Holy Spirit says we are in a war, he’s not just saying that to hear himself talk. In warfare, the enemy always seeks to take out the leader first. Lest we forget, the husband is the leader of the family and his wife is the first line of defense second only to his personal relationship with God, which she can also greatly influence as well. Satan brought down the whole human race by appealing to Adam’s wife first. So you think your family is some kind of mighty fortress and you are smarter than Eve was? Oh really? Satan wasn’t only targeting Eve’s concept of God, read the account. God informed Adam of the Holy protocol before Eve was created. More than likely, most of her information about God came from Adam or at least the critical information that Satan was targeting. In other words, Satan was also attacking Adam‘s leadership role. I suggest to you that his tactics haven’t changed that much. Trust me on this one, the world definitely wants you to think your husband is an idiot. If you believe your husband is an idiot, that obviously undermines his ability to lead. If you think your husband is an idiot, your family is at risk. If you don’t think your husband is an idiot, but really you do and just don’t know it, your family is at greater risk because the deadly infection is covert. And also be aware of the fact that this worldly attitude toward husbands is alive and well in the churches, maybe even more so than the world. I hear constantly of women’s bible studies that denigrate husbands and their roles. One woman shared with me how another Christian woman shared the fact [while at a women’s gathering] that her husband selfishly woke her up at 2am wanting sex. In many churches , women are instructed to take leadership of the family if their husband isn’t “leading the way he should.” Who sets that standard? I once overheard a “I wish my husband was as spiritual as your husband” conversation between two women in a church hallway. I am also privy to women leaders who teach other women to set the household trash bags in front of the door their husband leaves by to go to work, as a way to confront him about his slothful ways. By the way, divorce statistics in the Church are no different from that of the world. Go figure.
But continuing on, back to the original question concerning the quote by the teacher’s wife. Do all women, deep down, believe their husbands are idiots? Probably. Why do I say that? Well, because of the original curse of sin. God said the following would be the consequences:
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you [Geneses 3:16].
According to Hebrew scholars, the above text in the Hebrew words and grammar are the exact same as Genesis 4:3, which states the following in regard to Cane:
“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”
The key phrase is “Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” When God said to Eve that her “desire will be for her husband,” it means that her desire will be to rule over her husband in the same way sin desires to rule over us. You can see this clearly by contrast. This passage is clearly not saying that the curse will be a natural desire by the woman to follow her husband’s leadership. To the contrary, the woman’s natural tendency will be a desire to control her husband. In addition, the husbands tendency will be to rule his wife in the same way we must all rule sin in our life , as a tenacious despot. It’s good to rule sin that way in our lives, but not our wives!!! Notice God said to Adam “you will” as opposed to what he said to Cain “you must.” The embedded enemy between a man and his wife will be a desire by the wife to rule over the husband while his tendency will be to rule over his wife as an unloving tyrant. For example, a wife who is helping with the family finances comes home after a long day at work. As soon as she walks through the door, the husband, just back from enjoying a day of fishing, says the following in jubilant fashion: “Hey honey! What’s for dinner?” Ouch. As that cartoon cat often says, “I resemble that remark.” But in any case, that’s the warfare.
Of course you believe deep down that he is an idiot, that’s why you want to rule him. But you can’t let the world, or for that matter, church folks, throw gasoline on the fire [or the curse]. Its just a really bad idea. However, its interesting. Notice how the original failures of Adam and Eve duplicate the curse like a permanent brand from a hot iron. Adam failed to lead while Eve failed to respect her husband’s leadership. How different things would have been if Eve would have said “ You know, my husband was the one who originally got all of this from God; and besides that, since you are accusing God, let’s just get both of them in on this conversation.” Today, Satan ravages lives in the same way through isolated conversations without the proper people present. Satan knew the dynamics of headship that was involved. He knew that their eyes would not be opened till Adam ate. Therefore, he used Eve to bring Adam and the whole human race to ruin as Adam relinquished his leadership role to Eve. So, in like fashion, families will be ruined if this same pattern is followed.
So what to do? Well, for starters, stop loving your husband. Thaaat’s right. You see, every wife who professes her husband to be an idiot will also profess she loves him. Every time, guaranteed. Here is what the Apostle Paul said to do:
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband [Ephesians 5:33].
That’s the ticket. Men are to love their wives and not rule over them like a despot. They are to treat their wives as they would treat themselves. Women are to *respect* their husbands. This scriptural distinction is no accident. The one who once took your breath away is not the enemy, the curse is. Thinking your husband is an idiot is the antithesis of respect, obviously. But granted, no man is the leader he should be and many are less, so what to do? Peter says the following in 1Peter 3:1,2;
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
“Respectful” *conduct.* Did you catch that? Also, you can replace “without a word” and say “without trying to rule your husband.” By the way, if you have been trying to rule over your husband, how’s it workin for ya? Frustration that leads to disrespect will certainly follow. Look, the applications for respecting your husband could fill a book and there is certainly no room to address them here , but women need to avoid any form of denigration concerning their husbands and step into their high calling from Christ our Lord. Namely, the scriptures make it clear that no man sits at the city gate without a Proverbs 31 wife. The world and churchy women may not know that, but you and the Lord do. Those who receive less recognition here will receive it several fold in the Kingdom. Those who are faithful with few things will be put in charge of many things in God’s eternal Kingdom. I am convinced that the Proverbs 31 wife will rule vast kingdoms for God in eternity.
Is your husband an idiot? Its really beside the point. Choose the glorious things, not the broken cisterns of worldly attitudes that lead to ruin.
Divorce: The Ultimate “I won’t Forgive You”
It’s hard to deny and difficult to understand, but God binds relationships through agreements. This was true at the very beginning. The following is an excerpt from another post:
“God created man for the purpose of being blessed by God and bearing his image. He was to have dominion over God’s creation. He was also created for the purpose of being fruitful and multiplying. But God also put something between himself and man, a standard:
‘Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die'” (Genesis 2:15-17).
From the very beginning, the foundation of relationship between God and man was God setting the standard or structure and man following in obedience, or being faithful to God’s structure. When man did not hold to his part of the relationship, no words could adequately describe the disaster that followed. God is truly one who utilizes covenants in his relationships, and places a very high premium on them. When man failed, the foundation of the relationship was destroyed, and God chose to take action to restore the relationship. As one theologian said: “He bankrupted Heaven to do it.”
Very early and often in Scripture, God established the institution of Marriage to represent the covenant between him and his people. God chose Abraham to found a great nation of people to execute his restoration to the world. This nation, called Israel, would oversee the preservation of God’s word and his message to the world. From this nation would come the Messiah and Savior of the world. Unfortunately, Israel would fail as Adam did. Here is what God says concerning the above reality:
‘Thus says the Lord GOD to Jerusalem, ‘Your origin and your birth are from the land of the Canaanite, your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite. As for your birth, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water for cleansing; you were not rubbed with salt or even wrapped in cloths. No eye looked with pity on you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you. Rather you were thrown out into the open field, for you were abhorred on the day you were born. When I passed by you and saw you squirming in your blood, I said to you {while you were} in your blood, ‘Live!’ Yes, I said to you {while you were} in your blood, ‘Live!’ I made you numerous like plants of the field. Then you grew up, became tall and reached the age for fine ornaments; {your} breasts were formed and your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare. Then I passed by you and saw you, and behold, you were at the time for love; so I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. I also swore to you and entered into a covenant with you so that you became Mine, declares the Lord GOD. Then I bathed you with water, washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. I also clothed you with embroidered cloth and put sandals of porpoise skin on your feet; and I wrapped you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your hands and a necklace around your neck. I also put a ring in your nostril, earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your dress was of fine linen, silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour, honey and oil; so you were exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty'” (Ezekiel 16:3-13).
The following verses in chapter 16 describe Israel’s horrific betrayal of God’s trust. Said another way by God, he instructs the prophet Hosea to literally take a prostitute for a wife as an in your face living illustration:
When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and {have} children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD” (Hosea 1:2,3).
However, here is where we begin to see that the culmination of the covenant did not, does not, and will not, depend on the performance of Israel. Hosea is instructed to go to the local auction and buy his wife back who had left him to resume her harlotry:
Then the LORD said to me, “Go again, love a woman {who} is loved by {her} husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the son of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes.” So I bought her for myself for fifteen {shekels} of silver and a homer and a half of barley. Then I said to her, “You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you” (Hosea 3:1-3).
It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? Hosea’s love for Gomer and God’s love for Israel didn’t depend on their performance. In the Abrahamic Covenant, God put Abraham in a deep sleep and consummated the covenant himself because it did not, could not, and would not depend on anybody but God [Genesis 15].
The concept of a marriage relationship between God and his people is replete throughout the Old Testament and int0 the New. Marriage then, at least in part, symbolizes God’s forgiveness, mercy and dedication to his covenant elect.
I have often wondered why God said he hated divorce (Malachi 16:2). I wonder, because he never specifically states why he hates divorce. However, I think we have a hint in Ephesians 5:25 where Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the Church? The same way he loved Israel. God’s devotion to Israel has never depended on their performance and the church is no different. Why would it be? God only brought in the Gentiles to make Israel jealous anyway (Romans 10:19, Romans 11:11). Marriage then, is symbolic of God’s forgiveness, his mercy, his covenants, and especially the gospel. God’s covenants exemplify his mercy and forgiveness.
If you know what the Scriptures teach about forgiveness, it’s not hard to understand why God hates divorce. Those who will not forgive, do not understand how much they have been forgiven. Those who will not forgive, do not see themselves in Gomer. Those who will not forgive, do not see themselves in Ezekiel 16:15-63. Christ made it clear, “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little” (Luke 7:47). Mark 6:14 speaks of our responsibility to forgive “men” (mankind in general) in order to be forgiven by God ourselves. Luke 6:35 speaks of being kind to the wicked in order to be “sons of the Most High.” How much more towards the one whom which you share an intimate relationship ordained by God and symbolic of his gospel covenant? In the sermon on the mount, the subject of divorce among other subjects, is nestled squarely between anger and retaliation, and Christ makes it clear that just cause for divorce is very narrow indeed.
I am amazed at the flippant attitude in our culture concerning marriage, even among Christians. It’s not a party, it’s an emblem of God’s covenant faithfulness. The execution of the marriage covenant will either reject God or uphold his Glory. Divorce not only proclaims a refusal to forgive the covenant partner, it proclaims that fact publicly, and even sues for the spoils and restitution. A single divorce can produce an impressive list of things contrary to the sermon on the mount which primarily addresses relationships at many levels.
My uneducated grandmother understood all of this. She was married to my lost grandfather for 35 years. Suffice to say, she had the liberty to divorce him by biblical standards several fold. But he never wanted to loose her, that’s for sure. Well, finally, shortly before his death, he was saved. My grandmother never remarried, but God blessed her abundantly in the several years she lived afterword. By most standards in Christianity today, she would be labeled a fool, but it was never about her. Enter Brad Pitt, he is getting divorced again. Apparently, from what I am reading, another wife did not live up to his standards. Remember the woman at the well? Five husbands did not meet her standards and she gave up on marriage all together. Statistics indicate that first time marriages only have a 50/50 chance of survival whether Christian or secular. An astounding 80% of second marriages end in divorce, and the beat goes on.
At the core is an unwillingness to forgive. We understand why unbelievers can’t forgive, they have never been forgiven. What is perplexing is the wide spread acceptance among Christians of the ultimate and public statement of unforgiveness: Divorce.
paul
Case # 2008DR00927
“Truly, divorce must be the delight of hell and its many hordes.”
I didn’t want to just post another cliched article on Malachi 2:16 where God says “I hate divorce.” Have you ever thought of that?, God never says specifically why he hates divorce in any passage. There are no “I hate divorce because” verses. It therefore must be surmised from other related biblical topics. I was originally going to title this, “Why Does God Hate Divorce?” There is much biblical information regarding the answer, but my post is from a practical perspective. That’s where I am going to start. How practical is divorce where the rubber meets the road? And why would I start there?
Here is the reason: because I went to a class called, “Helping Children Succeed After Divorce.” It is a class that concerns “Post Parenting.” That is, effective parenting after divorce. Hmmm. Let me phrase it another way: “How to be a parent when you no longer live in the same house with the other parent.” It was required by the courts, case # 2008DR00927. The class was taught by an expert with plenty of experience in this kind of counseling. She does mediation for the courts when the attorneys have trouble working out all of the visitation details and so forth. According to the class, the relationship between the parents now needs to be strictly business and focus on what is best for the children. The class addresses the many difficulties in accomplishing this. Throughout the class, the instructor spoke of the “misery index,” or level in the midst of the process.
Things started to become apparent. First, the misery level of the initial affairs is almost unspeakable. The separation of property down to the keepsakes and that wedding ring that had been passed down from generation to generation. That house you built together, the vacation pictures. The preschool projects your proud children came running home with, revealing talents you never knew they had with the inscription, “mumy and dadi.” No wonder these are ugly affairs, you would almost have to make the other person your enemy to even be able to bear it. Then the children, deciding visitation rights and all of the agreed upon rules accordingly.
Then there is this: Divorces are almost always protracted affairs. The initial shock and awe is over with, but every month, when one spouse sits down to write the alimony check, the wounds are reopened. When job situations change for better or worse, both spouses are right back in the legal wrangling to determine new support amounts. If you are remarried and get a promotion at work, you and your spouse don’t discuss where to celebrate, you discuss how long it is going to take the X to file for increased support and how much you will be able to keep. Why celebrate at all? Furthermore, In the best of financial agreements, items fall through the cracks and the children are left to find out which parent is going to pay for the item. Then there is the whole remarriage thing and how the children handle that. This kind of stuff and a long, long list of more, goes on for years after the initial divorce. Truly, divorce must be the delight of hell and it’s many hordes.
Those who know me also know how much I enjoy asking questions. After listening to all of this damage control counseling, I asked this question: “In your experience as a post parenting counselor, have you ever seen one case where the misery index was less than the level of misery while the marriage was still intact?” Although her long pause and “deer in the headlights” look answered the question, Listen carefully to her actual answer: ” I often tell couples that divorce will not necessarily end the misery or even lesson it. Chances are, it will actually increase the misery level.” That is a profound admission. I then asked another question: “As you have said, being successful in post parenting is very difficult and requires trust, but how can there be trust when one spouse stood before witnesses and vowed to stay with that other person for ‘better or for worse’, and then didn’t do it? Secondly, if marriage counseling is easier and has fewer elements, and they were not successful there, how will they be successful in post parenting?” “For the children,” she said. Do it for the children. So then my final question: “So then, if we are really good at post parenting, we can send a message to our children that there can be a positive outcome to divorce, even though you said prior that the misery level is rarely less and usually more. If the misery level is lower in the marriage, why not rather be successful at marriage and send that message to the children instead?” She didn’t answer the question but her verbal discourse that followed was well spoken. In our society today, staying in a marriage and making it work for the sake of the children is unrealistic and archaic, but the call now by the professionals is to be successful post parents for the sake of the children. Ya, be good at that, 80% of all criminals in this country come from single parent homes.
What would the Bible say about all of the above pragmatism? well, in Psalm 15, the Holy Spirit names some attributes of the righteous. One of them is the following in verse 4: “….who keeps his oath even when it hurts”. Marriage is an oath for better or worse and sometimes it hurts to keep that oath. This is the mark of a righteous person. The Bible gives two reasons and two reasons only for divorce, fornication and abandonment by another spouse via physical departure: “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace (ICorinthians 7:15).” One reason biblical permission is so narrow is clear, even from a practical perspective, divorce doesn’t solve anything and rarely gives God glory in any respect.
But today’s Church is pregnant with leaders who walk by sight and not by faith. I mean, look at all the “real life” cases. “Look at what a jerk that guy is, and she is such a sweet person.” Surely Paul the apostle did not mean to limit divorce to a literal physical departure! “I know, Paul was talking about a ‘departure in the persons heart’, ya, ya that’s it, it all makes sense now!” Besides, this approach often covers for the inability of leaders to take the word of God and resolve life issues. It also cuts down on all of those pesky phone calls in the middle of the night. The divorce rate in the Church is now the same as the world, and there is a reason for that. With a new wave of mysticism comes a disdain for a literal interpretation of the Bible and it’s call to duty and obedience, robbing Christians of the joy that follows.
My situation is merely case # 2008DR00927 to the county of Montgomery, it might as well be the same in the Church. No big deal. Sure, we know divorce is a public proclamation that states: “I don’t forgive you”, but Paul also said “we are called to peace,” many argue, as if peace is defined by the following issues generated by divorce and well stated by a divorce information website (see following my conclusion). Let me suggest that Paul was saying God has called us to peace as a general principle, so we shouldn’t make decisions that create turmoil when the outcome is uncertain, like say, trying to force an unbelieving spouse to stay in the marriage when they have clearly set their mind on leaving. And by the way, though the following list claims to be comprehensive, it is not even close. It does not address the broken family relationships on both sides including in-laws and all the other relatives, and many other issues.
Let me repeat this from one of my above paragraphs in closing : ” One reason biblical permission is so narrow is clear; even from a practical perspective, divorce doesn’t solve anything and rarely gives God glory in any respect.”
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COMPREHENSIVE MARITAL SETTLEMENT ISSUES
I. PREAMBLE
A. Identification of Parties to AgreementB. Date and Place of Marriage
C. Separation Date
D. Status of Court Filings
E. Identification of Children
F. Intentions in Coming to Agreement
G. Acknowledgment of Current Employment/Income Status II. PARENTING A. Decision Making (Legal Custody) and Primary Residence B. Weekly Residential Schedule C. Holiday and Vacation Periods (overall intention)
D. Substitute Child Care Providers E. Transportation F. Prompt Exercise of Time with Child G. Right to Communicate with Child H. Fostering Affection and Respect I. Access to Information from Schools, etc. J. Parental Cooperation K. Parental Communication L. Safety and Security M. Future Conflict Resolution Process N. Future Review of Parenting Arrangements
P. Responsibility for Extracurricular Activities, Sports Equipment, Lessons, Clothes Q. Education and Other Major Expenses for Children R. Medical/Dental Insurance S. Uninsured Medical Expenses T. Life Insurance (to protect support responsibility)
U. Dependent Deduction V. Gifts to Children W. Agreement to Make a Will
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Paul's Passing Thoughts 
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