Paul's Passing Thoughts

I presently have a membership at LA Fitness. Why? Because they are reasonably priced, don’t require a contract (sort-of), and have the best facilities in the world, hands down.

So anyway, at least in my case (I can’t speak for other members there), when I joined LA Fitness, I paid for the first month and the last month upfront. At some point in the month that is paid for, they automatically withdraw money from my account for the next month. Roughly a week before the end of the month, the payment didn’t go through.

That’s when the phone calls started; daily, and at least two phone calls per day. Regardless of the fact that they were informed that the problem with the account would be reconciled in a few days, the calls continued. Remember, this is during a time period when the present month is paid for, and the following month as well. Moreover, the callers talked like Valley Girls in regard to pitch and speed. Remember them? They were made famous by the 1982 Frank Zappa song that he recorded with his 14 year old daughter, “Moon.” Some of the callers talked so fast I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

The final straw for me was a phone call at 8:45 am on Sunday. Play that song, and then imagine stumbling around on a Sunday morning grappling for the coffee pot after a week from hell, seeing the call on your cell phone, answering, and well, play the YouTube vid.

They (LA Fitness: remember that this young lady was only doing her job) kept me on hold until the card cleared, and then finally proclaiming my salvation, informed me that I would be taken off of the harassment list. She called it the “[call] list.”

My friends, this is harassment and abuse. Plain and simple.

So, now I have a choice: will I stay in this abusive relationship because of the excellent facilities? No I will not.

But Paul, it wouldn’t have happened if the money was in the account.

Sound familiar? That’s what we call “victim blaming.” Because the victim started it, or was to blame on some wise, the abuse is excused. See, I could say: “I love the facilities, and after all, if I had made sure the money was in there, I wouldn’t have been abused. I will therefore stay in the relationship.”

Yes, I could say that, but I will not tell myself that, nor will I do that. Why? Because if I do, I become a participant in evil according to the end result. My reasoning is neither here nor there, the final outcome is the real issue; bad behavior is not held accountable.

Sure, sure, LA Fitness will hardly go broke because of my departure, but that’s not one of the primary points. Ineffective revenge is not one of the primary points; the primary points are principle and boundaries that prevent self-destruction. Now, of course, I am not saying that keeping my membership at LA Fitness would be self-destructive—it’s merely an analogy. Or is it? The significance of principles is that they can be applied unwittingly from the mundane to the dramatic.

We are dealing with three points here: inadvertently condoning bad behavior through lack of accountability, living by principles, and gain, boundaries that prevent self-destruction.

Women and men both partake in the fallacy of weak boundaries, but the title focuses on women because our culture is more sensitive to the issue of abuse in regard to women.

No women should stay in any relationship with anybody or anyone in any place where boundaries are refused and ignored. It doesn’t mean they lack love, it means they have standards. It means they live by the principle of mutual respect. Neither does it mean there isn’t a process that lays the ground rules when needed, but it does mean that the line can be crossed in the process even when it is fully understood. Think, “temporary separation” to clarify boundaries.

We don’t stay in a relationship with a spouse regardless of anything because of the spouse’s facilities. Our children are not exempt from boundaries because we love them. Unaccountability is not love. Facilitating disrespect for others is not love. Trust me, if a child does not respect the parents, they will hardly respect anyone. And in all of this, we should all have boundaries in regard to helping those who will not hold others accountable.

This is a shot out of nowhere, but I want to interject it: do you support a church that will not hold its denomination accountable? Is the only boundary that of, “Our particular congregation didn’t do it”? Do you still support the denomination because of its facilities?

If you want to believe you have no value, if you want to believe your tolerance is a show of the same grace and mercy you received, if you think a boundary-less life is a humble life, let me remind you, the world already has a savior, so don’t try to be one. Stop making yourself God under the guise of humility, and trading your dignity for a bowl of soup.

Likewise, LA Fitness crossed the line. I will now pay more for lesser facilities—but I retain my self-respect which is predicated on my principles.

Your facilities are not enough when you cross the line.

paul