Paul's Passing Thoughts

During some counseling training I attended several years ago, the teacher quoted his wife in regard to marital attitudes. It was one of those quotes that really sticks with you: “Deep down inside, every wife thinks her husband is an idiot.” You may disagree, but let’s set that thought aside for now and examine the fact that the world definitely thinks your husband is an idiot. Our culture is saturated with  *your husband is an idiot* messages. Almost every sitcom on TV presents the husband as an idiot. Almost every TV commercial presents the husband as an idiot as well.  Point in case, the latest McDonald’s commercial; the husband jack-hammers the porch and almost all of the sidewalk when only the porch needed to be replaced. He does this to get the full rental value from the tool rental facility. Per the usual, the attractive, intelligent  wife saves what’s left of the family  sidewalks by enticing him away with a bag of food; the same way you would control any pet by holding up food in front of their faces. The commercial ends with the incredulous wife confiscating his paper cup because he is making noise with it as children often do. Another point in case,  the latest Verizon commercial where the husband drops their children off  two miles away from school to save money on gas. This presents  the husband as an idiot as well as someone who cares more about money than his family, the latter being a constant theme on TV as well. Wait a minute, I see Jim Foxworthy calling in on my cell phone [uh uh, ok, ya, I got it]. Ok, I’m back. Are you entertained  by the above examples rather than taking offence? Well then,  you juuust might think your husband is an idiot.

It’s not just TV. I ordered some carryout at Bob Evans last night and saw a plaque for sale in their gift shop area with the following inscription: “I live with stress. I eat with him, sleep with him, and pick-up after him.” I perused the rest of the plaques to see if there was any counterpart humor to no avail; that doesn’t sell these days. As a matter of fact, it would probably offend people. Furthermore, I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a wife denigrate her husband in public. Just this week, I heard a waitress refer to her husband as an idiot to the customers she was waiting on. Not a day later, I heard another wife referring to her family of two kids, and a husband, as “my three kids.” Do you make like references in regard to your husband? Well then, you juuuust might think your husband is an idiot.

This mentality is so saturated in our society that it is actually in vogue for  men  to denigrate themselves as a way to demonstrate their character traits to others. Point in case, the new Burger King commercial where Tony Stewart admits  to [in jest] wearing women’s underwear.  This denigration, as set against the masculine image of a race car driver is what sells today in our culture. As a man, do you want to impress the ladies? Well then, admit that you are an idiot or better yet, a pervert. Wow, see how humble you are?

Per the usual, the Church exposes it’s self to these infections  because we just don’t get it; when the Holy Spirit says we are in a war, he’s not just saying that to hear himself talk. In warfare, the enemy always seeks to take out the leader first. Lest we forget, the husband is the leader of the family and his wife is the first line of defense second only to his personal relationship with God, which she can also greatly influence as well. Satan brought down the whole human race by appealing to Adam’s wife first. So you think your family is some kind of mighty fortress and you are smarter than Eve was? Oh really? Satan wasn’t only targeting Eve’s concept of God,  read the account. God informed Adam of the Holy protocol before Eve was created. More than likely, most of her information about God came from Adam or at least the critical information that Satan was targeting. In other words, Satan was also attacking Adam‘s leadership role. I suggest to you that his tactics haven’t changed that much. Trust me on this one, the world definitely wants you to think your husband is an idiot.  If you believe your husband is an idiot, that obviously undermines his ability to lead. If you think your husband is an idiot, your family is at risk. If you don’t think your husband is an idiot, but really you do and just don’t know it, your family is at greater risk because the deadly infection is covert. And also be aware of the fact that this worldly attitude toward husbands is alive and well in the churches, maybe even more so than the world. I hear constantly of women’s bible studies that denigrate husbands and their roles. One woman shared with me how another Christian woman shared the fact [while at a women’s gathering] that her husband selfishly woke her up at 2am wanting sex. In many churches , women are instructed to take leadership of the family if their husband isn’t “leading the way he should.” Who sets that standard? I once overheard a “I wish my husband was as spiritual as your husband” conversation between two women in a church hallway. I am also privy to women leaders who teach other women to set the household trash bags in front of the door  their husband leaves by to go to work, as a way to confront him about his slothful ways.  By the way, divorce statistics in the Church are no different from that of the world. Go figure.

But continuing on, back to the original question concerning the quote by the teacher’s wife. Do all women, deep down, believe their husbands are idiots?  Probably. Why do I say that? Well, because of the original curse of sin. God said the following would be the consequences:

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for  your husband, and he shall rule over you [Geneses 3:16].
According to Hebrew scholars, the above text in the Hebrew words and grammar are the exact same as Genesis 4:3, which states the following in regard to Cane:

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for  you, but you must rule over it.”

The key phrase is “Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”  When God said to Eve that her “desire will be for her husband,” it means that her desire will be to rule over her husband in the same way sin desires to rule over us. You can see this clearly by contrast. This passage is clearly not saying that the curse will be a natural desire by the woman to follow her husband’s leadership. To the contrary, the woman’s natural tendency will be a desire to control her husband. In addition, the husbands tendency will be to rule his wife in the same way we must all rule sin in our life , as a tenacious despot. It’s good to rule sin that way in our lives, but not our wives!!! Notice God said to Adam “you will” as opposed to what he said to Cain “you must.” The embedded enemy between a man and his wife will be a desire by the wife to rule over the husband while his tendency will be to rule over his wife as an unloving tyrant. For example, a wife who is helping with the family finances comes home after a long day at work. As soon as she walks through the door, the husband, just back from enjoying a day of fishing, says the following in jubilant fashion: “Hey honey! What’s for dinner?” Ouch. As that cartoon cat often says, “I resemble that remark.” But in any case, that’s the warfare.

Of course you believe deep down that he is an idiot, that’s why you want to rule him. But you can’t let the world, or for that matter, church folks, throw gasoline on the fire [or the curse]. Its just a really bad idea. However, its interesting. Notice how the original failures of Adam and Eve duplicate the curse like a permanent brand from a hot iron. Adam failed to lead while Eve failed to respect her husband’s leadership. How different things would have been if Eve would have said  “ You know, my husband was the one who originally got all of this from God; and besides that, since you are accusing God, let’s just get both of them in on this conversation.” Today, Satan ravages lives in the same way through isolated conversations without the proper people present. Satan knew the dynamics of headship that was involved. He knew that their eyes would not be opened till Adam ate. Therefore, he used Eve to bring Adam and the whole human race to ruin as Adam relinquished his leadership role to Eve. So, in like fashion, families will be ruined if this same pattern is followed.

So what to do? Well, for starters, stop loving your husband. Thaaat’s right. You see, every wife who professes her husband to be an idiot will also profess she loves him. Every time, guaranteed. Here is what the Apostle Paul said to do:

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband [Ephesians 5:33].

That’s the ticket. Men are to love their wives and not rule over them like a despot. They are to treat their wives as they would treat themselves. Women are to *respect* their husbands. This scriptural distinction is no accident. The one who once took your breath away is not the enemy, the curse is. Thinking your husband is an idiot is the antithesis of respect, obviously. But granted, no man is the leader he should be and many are less, so what to do? Peter says the following in 1Peter 3:1,2;

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

“Respectful” *conduct.*  Did you catch that? Also, you can replace “without a word” and say “without trying to rule your husband.” By the way, if you have been trying to rule over your husband, how’s it workin for ya? Frustration that leads to disrespect will certainly follow. Look, the applications for respecting your husband could fill a book and there is certainly no room to address them here , but women need to avoid any form of denigration concerning their husbands and step into their  high calling from Christ our Lord. Namely, the scriptures make it clear that no man sits at the city gate without a Proverbs 31 wife. The world and churchy women may not know that, but you and the Lord do. Those who receive less recognition here will receive it several fold in the Kingdom.  Those who are faithful with few things will be put in charge of many things in God’s eternal Kingdom. I am convinced that the Proverbs 31 wife will rule vast kingdoms for God in eternity.

Is your husband an idiot? Its really beside the point. Choose the glorious things, not the broken cisterns of worldly attitudes that lead to ruin.