Paul's Passing Thoughts

I’d Do Anything for Love, But I Won’t Do That; Sin, Despotism, and Co-Dependency

Posted in Uncategorized by Paul M. Dohse Sr. on September 29, 2017

ppt-jpeg4Though the song, “I’d Do Anything for Love” recorded by Meatloaf in 1993 seems to be a mystery song that is deliberately ambiguous to garner attention, a careful observation of the lyrics reveals a generally profound concept though peppered with bad ideas.

The song is saying the man will do anything for love except things that betray love. Again, the song’s definition of love is distorted, but its idea of love as a paramount ruling principle is a good idea.

According to the Bible, love is the antithesis of fear, and all fear has to do with judgment. ALL fear flows from the condemnation of future judgement. According to the Bible, fear of death is defined solely as flowing from the fear of future judgment and subsequent eternal condemnation.

The Bible also defines mankind’s primary nemesis, sin.

Sin is God’s enemy and the antithesis of everything that defines God. If God says it’s an apple, sin says it’s an orange. Sin is against the ways of God, and is equipped with a unique weapon in its war against God; an ability to create desires to break God’s laws. So, when a person is exposed to a law of God, sin is able to create a desire or temptation within the person to break that law.

Sin’s ability to create these desires within each individual varies from person to person and depends on elements that need much more study, but there is an overall counteraction due to God writing the works of the law on every human heart. This is part of mankind being created in God’s image. As a result, the conscience either accuses or excuses our actions. Sin is able to create desires within people that are strong enough to short-circuit any ability to say, “no.” These are commonly known as “addictions.” Relatively speaking, a person’s character is defined by strength of conscience and its ability to say “no” to sinful desires.

How all of this relates to the saved person who is born again will not be visited in this article, but suffice to say for now that sin hates God’s law while the believer loves God’s law.

Back to sin. Though God’s creation is good, it is presently plagued by sin and sin operates within people while few are privy to the essence of it. Here is the thumbnail; watch out for a desire to control others. And how do we control others? We condemn them. Unworthy people who have no self-confidence are very easy to control and are full of fear. Ultimately, and unwittingly, sinful people who are seeking to fulfill their lust by controlling others are servants of sin.

Unfortunately, this is what’s really behind a desire to be a corporate manager in most cases. This sin can be tempered through reeducation that establishes different objectives for management. Nevertheless, corporate management will be fraught with control freaks who look down on the “little people” of the world.

This dynamic affects every stratum of human existence, but I am going to apply it to the profession of Nurse Aide. A true NA will do anything for love, but shouldn’t compromise the essence of love. Does the management of any particular facility promote love or short-circuit love? If a management bent on control effectively destroys your self-confidence and self-respect while filling you with fear for purposes of controlling you—you will make a poor lover of others. Remember, fear is the antithesis of love.

Now, you can ignore all of that and be who you are, but a problem arises thereof; nothing agitates a despot more than an inability to control someone. Invariably, they will use their authority to destroy who you are in the view of others. If you are wise they cannot rob you of a truthful self-assessment/self-esteem, but they can at least disparage you to people you love. To one who loves, having the respect of those they love is very important, and despots can at least use their authority to rob you of that.

When you determine that your manager is a despot, it is time to leave on your own terms regardless of your love for the residents and the nurses you serve. You must not stay; a NA defined by love (as all NA’s should) will do anything for love, but we mustn’t do that. In many cases when a despotic executive director perp-walks an aide or a nurse out of the facility it is payback for his/her inability to control through fear. In addition, it is an effective way to destroy half of the love equation with a possible added bonus of self-doubt.

As the director of TANC I have pondered these issues for several years and was able to recognize the position that I was in. Though it was very difficult to submit my two-week notice because of my love for the residents and the nurses I served, my endeavor to love better and more as a NA could not be jeopardized by a despot. The NA must remember this: a corporation’s decision to employ a despot is out of our control; regardless of our love, there are things we cannot do in the name of love, viz, try to love in an atmosphere dictated by fear because love and fear are mutually exclusive. In contrast to popular notions about love, those who love are not obligated to relinquish a true assessment of ourselves to those full of control-lust.

This brings us to Co-Dependency and its formal definition: “Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.”

This applies to all relationships on every stratum of existence. Under-achievers are easy to control. Do your relationships in life foster fear or love? Do they foster fear of being all you can be or truthful self-confidence? Do your relationships foster cooperative love or co-dependency?

Is your self-identity determined by tyranny? We will do anything for love…

…but we won’t allow that.


2 Responses

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  1. John said, on September 29, 2017 at 11:02 AM

    I believe you’ve made the correct decision.


    • Paul M. Dohse Sr. said, on October 1, 2017 at 8:13 AM

      As the saying goes, love can be very blind. Getting away from it all and looking back from the outside reveals that it was the best decision. I could have played the game for career expediency but among all the other considerations I think it would have excluded the right message. I left on good terms and my own terms; a privilege many better aides were not able to do because of the sociopath Executive Directors Trilogy hires for some strange reason.


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